1st Chonicles Chapter 15

As you can see, I've changed tack for a little bit, because I think it's important, to read this chapter in Chronicles.
Because it's been speaking to me and I hope that this will, speak to you.
Lately, I've been thinking about how good things, are, and yet, when people ask, I feel like I'm a victim of things, and God challenged me on it.
And I was aware, that I was speaking out hard things, even the simple ''how are you question.'' got the old run down, about unfairness.
And I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news about me all the time.
And I didn't want to loose my friends, because of all the unfairness I was telling them.
Completely missing the point, because I wasn't acutally answering the question, and God spoke to my heart, he said ''Chloe, you know how you are, you are what you are, so stop being a victim to the things that I've given you to do, to carry out the jobs with humbleness. and you're not doing it.'' and sometimes, as you know, we hear all the lovely sermons about the strong love of Christ, but sometimes we need to be open to God, about being the person we are.
David knew this, and as you know he wrote the Psalms and I will get back to the Psalms, but right now, after all the battles he was in, he wanted the ark of the Lord to be brought  from where it was, to Jerusalem,  he prepared a tent. David, knew he had to do this, because the ark was not in Israel, so he brought it up.
Now it was missing as it were, and it was a great day of celebration,  for the Israelites because it was making history. When his wife, ( Saul's daughter Michal) saw and heard, David rejoicing in the  streets, she hated him in her heart.
Sometimes we can join in the joyful celebrations of people, we can rejoice when they overcome hardships and it's the thing to do, not a forced happy flappy church raise the roof, thing, but genuinely happy for them.
Michal looked out and decided not to join in the happiness, and it didn't help her, because she didn't bear any children and remained barren. Was it because of that she didn't join in on her husbands joy?
I'll leave that up to you and for you to decide.
So what do we do when we are faced with situations, when you can be joyful, or you can just fake it?
We know that God is with us, and if he is with us, well what can the enemy do to us?
Sometimes, we need to stand up for ourselves, with a courageous faith, for what is right, not what should be said at the right time, or following the latest Christian news.
Finding God for yourself, your own way to faith.
So weather you're bringing up the ark of the lord, perhaps you've heard God say it's time to move in this area of your life, and you're standing up for Christian values, and you've found your way to serve help, and move in the church, and that's brilliant, but go for you.
However if you were like me, and all you see is hardship, let it go, it's going to be ok, it's alright,  to let go and hand it over to God, you're not a victim that's not your name.
Chloe

How do you see God?

What do you think about God?

When was the last time you prayed down on your knees, or got someone to pray for you because you're struggle is hard, and you don't know if your prayers are answered.

Are you walking through a time of incredible grief?

Perhaps you're holding onto hope for a lost friend, lost in the ways of doubt and despair.

I don't mean to be depressive or  hard, but sometimes we have so many prayers that  we can only pray by ourself.

We believe the lies, we believe that people don't understand, some friends are gems and they do understand.

Someone I heard once talked about caring and loving, and using our story, one thing that she said, is, try to say, ''I know exactly what you'll be going through.'' no one knows exactly what you're going through, only if that person has had the same trials in life that they know, and they know how to help.

So my question is hard, and understand, how do you see God?

And do you see God, in what form in what way?

Do you see God,  as not interested?

How did you find God, how did you find Christ?

Did you find, God because of pressure and not for yourself?

Finding God for who he is for you, and you know what?

I know it's cliche, but he sees all of it, and he see's what you hide, underneath.

The bits where it's too painful to share, to reach out.

You know there's a verses in the bible that if you feel like you've been crying all night joy comes in the morning.

It's quite a hard verse to stomach at times, but your joy is coming, and it comes with the promise of the sun raising in the day, giving you the opportunity, to live another day.

The sun doesn't just fall off the face of the earth, and says ''well I've had enough, i'm not going to come up tomorrow.'' The sun helps things to grow, and it also gives us vital vitamins so we don't lack anything.

That is what God is for us, he gives us things that we don't lack or in want of anything.

Sometimes we're in that "want stage", and sometimes we forget how we see God in all of this, you see, when we get out of ourselves, and what we want is different to what God wants, and it's all to do with serving, sometimes we need to get out of our needs and our desires, and focus on what God needs of us, someone said in worship the other day, that we come to God, wanting things all the time, but we should don't come with that expectation, we sometimes feel like we should buy from God. so that we get what we want from him.
This challenged me, on several levels, because I've always been in rush, and often my Christian life seems stale, and then it hit me, I've always wanted God to do something for me.
Thinking that I have the right to do so, but I don't, I've been so self centred, even though some people don't think so, I've only wanted to do things for myself and not for others.
And when you work in hospo, you're always serving, then you get into the mid set, 'This is only for myself.'' but it's also for a job, to get money, to be paid, but  it doesn't take long for the shine to wear off.
This is how I saw God, I kept coming to him, with a mental list, of things wanting to line up, and fall into place, to sort of get a name for myself as it were.
I am and was, always jealous of people getting better jobs, and they just sort of got them, but what I didn't know was how long the wait was for them, I just wanted that, my prayers were often, ''Hey Lord it's me, you know that I really wanted this job, to be out of the sticky restless feeling, if you can just move that mountain that would be great, I would appraise it, so much.'' Amen.
You know, sometimes we feel like you can't just put our plans on hold, but we can, if you're too busy saying yes to everyone, or even like you should email that person straight away, making you feel urgent and all of that, it's not, it's putting things in perspective.
This urgency thing seems to be everywhere, and it all comes down to organisation, you shouldn't feel just because you're there, you should always rescue the person, just because well it's easy for them, for them to just ask you and call upon you, no matter what they say, or how they say it.
It shouldn't always be you to the rescue, to save them out of every situation.
Sometimes God works in the desert places, in those times of rest, so if you're in that time, enjoy it,  and I know, what it's like when you've been given that desert place of rest and you want to be busy.
But enjoy it, because chances are that things will start to go wild, and you'll be wanting to go back to the desert place of rest.
Give everything a go in moderation, and if you have plans, do them, don't sacrifice or throw away your confidence, to rescue other people, know who you are in Christ, where you want to go, and seek the lord, and if you struggle with that, and find it hard to do it on your own, ask your Godly mentor, one that knows you, well, and one that helps you with good and godly advice.
Because good advice gets blurred, and becomes grey in black and white situations.
Chloe
 

Going into the unknown

Hello there,
Today I want to talk to you about going into the unknown.
It's always risky doing this because if you think about your life, there's so many unknowns.
I once read a story that made me realize that we have so many unknowns.
It was about a boy who has a therapy dog, this isn't a dog that makes you happy, and feel good about things, although dogs have a special ability to do so, this was a story that showed that without this dog, this boy of 10 years old, with a sever disability wouldn't go outside, he would be home with his parents, and well scared of life, until they got this dog, that was basically trained like a guide dog. It would do things on command, suddenly he's able to go outside, and do normal things even to school with his dog, and learn to speak, and talk.
Going into the unknown is hard, why?
Because we really don't know what is out there, going into the Christian unknowns is hard, often it feels like we're just stabbing in the dark, waiting for our chance.
What does the bible say about uncertainties?
Apart from being told not to worry about it, worry is one of those things, we don't add a single hour to our day if we worry.
Paul, in the bible told Timothy, his disciple to set good examples, in every day life.
And not to let older people put you down, this doesn't mean not to listen to them, but to listen to and respect them, after all their good advice might save you some heart ache.
We don't listen to advice anymore, but there comes a day, when you need to make your choice.
Sometimes if feels like the days just glide by with nothing really exciting happening, and that's ok, there are times for enjoying those days, and it's fine just to have ok sort of days.
And it's OK to be OK, sometimes we get all hyped up in the Christian world, that if we're not excited about something we're well weirdos, and I've had that.
I spilled a little case of saffron, on the floor, and if you know anything about saffron, this little case of it, was about $100,  and it accendenly slipped out of my hands, and it went on the floor, I felt awful, because it was such a lot of money for some tiny incy wincy threads, of saffron, we did use it, because that's all that we had. A Christian waitress helped me pick up all the threads, and we put them back into the case.
Going into the unknown is scary, because it's hard to hear from God, it's hard in that place, where everyone else is having a good time, and here you are waiting.
Don't give up, it's easy in that place of waiting, that we become despondent, and we give up, but be on God's case, he doesn't give up on you.
David always prayed, he was righteously angry about the things he got angry about, he had enemies from all sides come and attack him, places that well far out weighted small Israel.
Jesus calms every type of storm, he makes everything ok, and all works out for good, you might not be there yet, I say yet, because God is all knowing, he will get you there to the place he wants you to be.
So don't be afraid of the unknown, but also be wise, don't throw yourself around just because you don't know what you're doing, if might be hard to understand this, but don't just go for anything, look at what God has done for you, think about what you're good at, and God always works in those areas.
Don't just blindly go on, not knowing where you are.
God has all your unknown things all his his hand and in the right time he'll make them known.
Chloe

Is Jesus calling you?

Today  at church, I found listening to the sermon quite compelling.
Our pastor spoke about loving and forgiveness.
And we can't say that we love God is we have someone or ourselves to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process, it's not just talking about it, and forgiving people, there and then, though it might happen.
Sometimes in life, things happen, and sometimes our lives can be ruined by unforgiveness,  something has happened along way down the track, and the person has taken  offense at it, and let it grow in them like a weed, until they end up bitter, and extremely unhappy.
And sometimes it causes health problems, they isolate the person ( thinking out of mind out of sight, but the problem comes back stronger than ever.) So how can we stop bitterness, well a little bit of understanding, now we're not called to be super Christians and try to fix the problem, and get burdened by it, but trying to understand the person does help.
Get the right information before you go and face the conflict, instead of paying for it later, and finding out that your wrong, hurts you and other people.  why?
Because the trust that once was there gradually get's broken down, until there's nothing left, and sometimes as sad as it sounds, you've only hurt yourself.
So my question is, Is Jesus calling you?
Is he calling you to act on an old problem, to get it sorted out, to face your fears,this doesn't mean that you're totally right and completely not in the wrong, but it's laying down all the problems, and going to God and seeing what he wants you to do.
It might be just the forgiveness that you yourself can do, and it heals you as well.
When Jesus called his 12 followers, he knew that they were fishermen, he knew that some were really, zealous and wanting to follow him but will fall many times.
What is amazing is that, Jesus had a real job, a builder, a carpenter, a practical person, is this stereotyping? I think so, but what I want you to get out of it, is that he is real, and he knows what real jobs are like.
He also healed people, he was tempted by Satan, many times, he came across people with demons, he had people who had so much faith come up and just want to touch the hem of his jacket, so that they might be healed, he saw the widow who gave her last coins to live on.
He saw a lot in his time, he knew what he was facing, he fed thousands with 5 loaves and 2 fish.
If he did that, he can make all things new, are you getting it?
Building is hard work, it's using all you have in your body building houses, frames , there's no Bob the builder, to get you out of problems, you have to deal with all sorts of contractors,  people who measure wrong, and be good about it. It's hot exhausting work, houses aren't put up over night.
That's why we as Christians are a living temple for God, what we do effects not only us, but as society.
We shouldn't turn a blind eye to the things that non Christians think we're appathic, we should show them all the more we care.
So is what if Jesus is calling you? what if Jesus is calling you, now is the time to make your move to stand up and be counted?
Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, mind and soul, like how you've become a Christian, you didn't come to be one because you wanted to please your parents, because they knew that you have to find your own faith, I can't tell you, how to live your life, what is going to happen to you, if you're going to be healed, I can't and I won't, because that is dangerous and it's playing God and none of are that.
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all you have got, even if it's small, even if you think it's too small, I won't be noticed, God see's it, he sees the connections that you've made, the times you've stepped out of your boat, and you thought you would drown, and he was there for you, and he's there for you again.
God never leaves you hanging, he never says that can't be done, when others say you've ran your race, God's race for you is never over.
And it's encouraging, you've got countless tries, it's ok, if you make mistakes, it's life, none of us have a crystal life, clear and brilliant shining on the inside and outside, we all have our faults.
God takes them, he gently carefully uses those situations to make them useful for others.
Until we are a priceless piece of art work, and we shine like stars, we're going to be shining like stars, all our humanness will go away, everything will be made new.
We're ( our lives) are not imitations' anymore, we are the real thing.
So what is God doing in your life what is your story? have you suddenly had a  ''Light bulb moment" when everything that once seemed dark, suddenly got lighter?
Do some old dreams need to be revisited?  passions that once you thought have died, suddenly have new life in them?
Have you had dreams be it night dreams or other passion dreams that suddenly make sense?
This is God calling you, and when he does, go after it with all you have.
He know's that you're willing, that is why he has called every single one of us, to work with our passions with our abilities, with us in our jobs, our student lives, whatever work you do, and it can be voluntary, because that is building the Kingdome of God.
Don't think for a moment that you're worthless, that you won't be able to do it, because with God everything is possible.
Get people around you, people that encourage you, people that go beyond good intentions, get them around you, and celebrate who you are.
You're going on such an awesome journey, take time to enjoy it.
Don't be in such a rush.
You're not a victim, you know the victor
Chloe

Finding hope.

Hello and good morning to you.
Apologies for my slackness,
Sometimes I don't have the time to write posts regularly.
Lately, I've been thinking about life.
Sometimes, we feel like life is passing us by, sometimes we feel disappointed.
Sometimes we're just aching to know what God is up to.
However we have the hope of Christ in us.
If you feel all alone, just hang on, there's hope around the corner.
There's no shame,no pointing finger, no blame, no "I told you so.''
Here, you can sit down and just read just for enjoyment.
There's no pressure, to be someone you're not.
It's OK to miss the things you hope for, and that's normal life.
We're not supposed be super spiritual, and have all the answers.
We're supposed to give all our secrets to God, all the hopes that we would hope to find to God.
There's releasing hope for you, you're not going to be a prisoner of your own fate.
When you hand things over to God, you don't have control of  what you're going through anymore.
While it maybe painful at the time, there's always joy of a new day, a new chance.
When I was little, dear I say it, I would have really bad mornings, with my school work, it also didn't help with my disability, and emotions, and sometimes the 2 together would have a party, and I was stuck in the middle, if that makes sense. I was relieved if I had a bad morning, I would look forward to the afternoons, because mum would be patient with me, and well reading and writing was more my thing, and that's what we did in the afternoon.
 So if you've had a bad morning my friends, the afternoon has come, you can forget about your bad morning.
What seems like a bad morning, look forward to your afternoon, and treasure them.
God sees your intentions, and he knows you, because he made you.
And what he makes always works,  no matter if you don't feel like you're working, or perhaps you feel like it's a recipe for disaster.
There's a mountain of hope for you.
God sees it, and he sees good on you.
Don't worry about what others might see in you, take everything take good advice, and stop looking for that ''one day I'll be there, or I'll make it.'' I've had that, and it doesn't work.
Just be yourself, and look how far you've come, don't be in such a hurry to  ''make it.''
Try things that you're good at, and the things that you love to do.
That's my suggestion.
Don't rush through life, only to look back and not take all the things that God's given you with a grain of salt.
Don't be in a rush to grow up.
Take good advice, good godly advice.
God give you what you need at the right time my friend.
He knows what you need and when to give it to you.
I spent a lot of time, just wanting to be liked, and actual fact, it wasn't the best thing in the world to do, because you get tired very quickly, and I was playing the game all by myself, you're not a puppet on a string to be dictated to, you have your own wonderful ways.
Go out and do what the Lord has called you to do.
Don't try to be someone you're not, be the person that God has called you do be, and love the people who matter to you.
That's what I have to say to you.
God is with you in every circumstance and if you let your circumstance own you, you know who to go to, go to God, with all you have.
Chloe

Seeking God

Hi there,
The rain has finally stopped, and the snow has not come our way again.
And all the people are so very happy here in Dunedin that it's not cold anymore.
I had to laugh when I was up at work, and I was helping the chef with the cafe, and one of the cafe girls came in, and was laughing so much she was crying.
What had happened, was that an Australian mother and her family were staying up there, and because of the snow, it looked rather magical, in fact it didn't look like you were in Dunedin.
But what had happened was, that the mother wanted to take a photo of the grounds and the castle, walking backwards, but she walked a bit to far, and walked right into the duck pond, and was in chest deep in cold freezing water.
So her kids quickly ran and got help and someone had to pul her out of the pond.
So yes, perhaps she need to seek the Lord on that one.
We haven't had that before.
I can rattle on, about things, and all how you go about seeking the Lord, but I need to say a few things myself.
Seeking the Lord isn't easy, let alone hearing from him, but that's ok, because we know how to hear from God, reading your bible, going to a good church that not only inspires you, but you get inspired from God, that is our aim.
So I put God to the test, I went for my first job interview, yesterday. I wasn't meaning to leave my job, that's another thing, but I just wanted to see what's out there.
It was for Hobberton, in Matamata, and cooking at the Hobberton movie set.
If I am successful, and they offer it to me, I might just go up to the north Island for a time.
However I am still loving being at home, still loving my work.
So if I'm not wanting to move on, why should I think about going?
Well, for one example, it would be fun, to have a road trip, for a girl that hasn't driven North of the Dunedin City gardens, it's going to be a journey.
I'm not going out of spite, or get a label for myself, it was just an interview, probably hundreds had applied for the same job.
So when people asked me how my day went yesterday, I told them about my interview, and they said,
"Oh I'll pray that you will get it.'' I want prayer for seeking the Lord on it.
So has the interview been a complete waste of time?
Not really, it was good for the experience.
So you see, seeking the Lord is a  2 way street, sometimes in church we get  so many ''we must rules''  in our summons.
What do I mean by these rules or perhaps we put them on ourselves.
''We must come before God, with a blameless heart, with everything fixed up.''
We are broken people, and we will continually be broken before the Lord, we can never fix everything up, or come before God with a blameless heart.
Because we are broken.
That's one of the main rules.
Sometimes we have to be happy and understanding, of God in church.
Sometimes I know I am not happy, and I don't understand God, so why do we put this rule in our hearts?
Because sometimes people are happy in church, and that's good, but what happens if Life happens and you're wearing the mask of fake happiness?
What happens if you get constantly disappointed, and things just don't go to plan?
What happens then, well it's OK, because that's real life.
In Real life, my friends, things don't go to plan, horrible things happen, but God is there with you straight by your side, you're not fighting this fight by yourself.
Seeking the Lord on big things is daunting, and with seeking the Lord on it, like a sudden change, in work, job, or perhaps relationship, you simply can't pray alone.
you have to have other older people around you that pray, that give Godly advice, if you're not doing that, then I suggest you start.
Before you go into this, think about all the things, that line up, and the things that don't line up.
Even though it feels like it's an erupting volcano, of endless worry, there is that still quiet voice inside, of you.
We all need courage, and we need it more and more every day, in this world.
So Go after God, with all you have, and if you're in that erupting volcano, you're not alone, God is there with you, guiding you through it, so it won't harm you.
Chloe

Psalm 8

Yesterday we went to Oamaru for the day.
It was a great experience, seeing what other people do.
And what excites them, and how they work.
But what I find interesting, is that, people are using the old buildings for their business.
Like the artisan bakery, jam factories, ( try to get some of their mixed berry jam.) and other little business's around.
I like seeing people passionate about what they do, they might not be making a lot of money, but it's what they enjoy.
And the old buildings have been there for along time, and there's so much history around.
We even went to the bank where Mum worked, and she even showed me where she got her wedding dress material and the shop is still going!!
Sometimes we all need to just get away and enjoy being somewhere different, it might just be for the day, for a weekend, or perhaps maybe you're taking a longer time off, and just enjoying a gap year.
My encouragement to you, is take things as they come, don't be in such a rush to do everything.
Which brings me to Psalm 8.
David was full of praise, and he wrote a lot of these psalms while tending sheep. Verse 3.
When I consider your heavens the work of your fingers, the moon and the starts,that you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him. the son of man that you care for him.
When God was making the heavens and the earth,  he was already thinking of you.
His mind was set on you, and he really does care, about what you do, how you are going through out your day.
Every wild beast and animal knows about him too, which is interesting, it makes you stop and think doesn't it, that they do intact have souls.
And here we are, wondering what cellphone to upgrade to.
David set his mind on things above not on things below, he knew how fleeting  earthly things are, and how quickly things fade away.
We need to be like David, setting things above looking to what God has in store for us, what he wants us to do.
We need to praise him everyday, for the life he's given us, because all to soon we live far too fast.
We need to have Godly joy, and not look for joy in wrong places.
We need strong minds, that don't waver, and we need to stay on course.
This is my prayer for you, that you have a strong mind like David and that you will stay on course.
We have lots of churches popping up, with all the mod cons, but do we care about the people's souls that enter the doors?
David, was strong, he went after God with all he had, he surrendered his life to serve God, and even though he makes mistakes, God allows us to make mistakes Christian brothers and sisters, we're shouldn't go through the Christian life, like air brushed model, on the dove soap commercials.
He is always with us, he won't ever forget us, he won't say that you're not worth it, because you are.
God looks inside your deep hurting heart and makes it heal.
we need to be mindful, of what God is telling us, and he does speak through the bible, he encourages us, in church, and good friends, not fleeting where are you now friends, but good friends that stick beside you all the way, that believe in you.
Finally, David finishes Psalm, 3, with Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth.
Maybe you can be like David today, saying Thank you to God for just the way he is.
Chloe

prayer

Hello my friends,
Well it's  been a while since I've last entered a post.
I've been busy at work, and cooking  so here goes another post.
Today I want to share with you, some words about prayer.
We all know it's important, and yes, we say the old Sunday school  "We'll pray about it.''
But i want to go into the issue of prayer a bit more.
I want to look into why we pray?
What does prayer do?
Does anything happen when we pray?
Why does God seem silent on the issue on prayer sometimes?

Since I was young, we always prayed as a family, we prayed for others, and my parents taught me to take everything to God in prayer.
I've prayed in cafes, in churches, and sometimes on the streets.
Prayer is important, why?
Well it's not just talking to God, yes  he does listen to us, but it's so much more than just talking to God, we are actually praying for strength, and interceding on behalf of other brothers and sisters in Christ.
That's what I love about prayer, that God sees the need of others and he just moves in so many ways.
Now, a word about prayer, is that it doesn't need to be long, it doesn't need to be impressive, and yes we can even pray wherever we are.
 I prayed at work once, in the castle kitchen and one chef was on his knees, because he saw the need that in this situation at work needed to stop, and it did.
Don't be afraid to pray for things, if you're getting bullied at work, pray, for it to stop, and i have to say it did.
Pray for people who say mean things, to you, pray that that it stops and it will, but pray for something to replace that mean spirit.
This is important, because we all know that the Devil is around, and if he finds a empty hole somewhere he'll fill it.
Bless the people you come in contact with, and you don't have to like everyone or get on with everyone, but don't go the other way, because they are mean to you don't be mean back. It won't help your cause, and people are wanting to get a reaction.
So if you are persecuted it's not that they are getting at you as such, but because they see that under all the meanness you are good person, if you remain still in the storms of life, you've already won the war.


Prayer is going to God, and seeking his will for your life, and he'll show you it, don't be in such a rush to get to the ''yay I've made it stage'' because if we're honest, none of us have made it.
God gives us trials, not to make us break, but to make stronger, and encourage us in our faith.
Why does bad things happen to good people?
I don't know, and grief is the saddest things in this world, and he knows your pain, he hasn't left you to suss everything out by yourself. when it looks like know one has left the night light on, he has.

When everything seems lost, when you've lost your way, maybe it's your dreams, maybe you're tired of playing the game everyone wants you to play. You can be reassured my friend, God's ways are not our human ways.
You don't need to be keep looking over your shoulder to see how everyone is marking you, because you've already at the top of God's winning list.
And he doesn't keep score on your life.
Prayer is one amazing thing, the more you exercise it and use it in your life, the more you'll find out who God is for you. Not for anyone else but for you.
This is important for you to know, my friends.
You've got to find Christ for yourself, I can't tell you how to find him, I can only encourage you, to do the things you need to do.
Prayer is amazing, you've got to let your human things, release those things that you hide from.

Prayer also builds others up, it's also encouraging  for others, and share it, share when you've been in the deepest valley in life, or perhaps you're on the top of the mountain. And you don't just go from being deep down in the valley's to the tops of the mountains, over night, it's a process.
We all need encouragement, and I'm don't blog for this reason, I just want to encourage you, that no matter what you're facing, you can go through it with God's help.
God's love for you is greater than your circumstance.
Because after the rain, comes sunshine, it might seem like it's been raining for a while, but you can count on God, and he will bring sunshine back into your life, he'll take all those grieving moments, and turn them into good.
Like the back of a tapestry, it looks pretty messy, but if you turn it over, you can see the most amazing sewing work, and that's what God does in every one's life, he's carefully sewing away, so  skillfully in your life, that he is always making it look pretty, when maybe now you're seeing the back of the tapestry.

It's there for everyone to see, and when you get to Heaven, he'll show it to everyone.
I'm not saying that you won't experience pain, you will, but the pain you bear, God is bearing it with you.
You're not alone my friend, he sees it and he knows, the pain that is unspeakable.
So be encouraged, right I've gone right off topic.
Does anything happen when we pray?
Yes, things do happen when we pray, we are interceding, to God, we're handing our cares to God, and we're letting him take permission to be in our lives, and giving our lives over to God.

Unanswered prayer, is hard, because when we pray, we are expecting God to come in and answer them for us, and he does, but what about those void moments in our lives?
I've had  and having those moments, and the Christian life isn't supposed to be peachy, nice all the time.
If you're looking for that, you won't find it.
And I know I'm treading on very thin ice here, so what do we do while we're waiting?
We get busy doing things, not manipulating God on our behalf, but pray fully seeking out what we should be doing in the time we're waiting.
Not being crazily busy, doing a million things, but just a few simple things.
And yes keep reminding God, that's what David did, he keep on God's case.
Accountability is amazing thing, we're not that accountable much anymore.
So yes, being prayerfully aware of things,  pray in all circumstances, in all things, if you're happy give thanks to God, for bringing you through, if you're grieving pray, if you're wanting to seek after his will for your life, pray, if you're along way from your spiritual home, pray, if you haven't been to church for a long time, pray, and go back to Church or find one that suits your life.
God hasn't forgotten you, if you have have forgotten Christ, if you're feeling like he's let go of you, he hasn't.
Basically pray, and give all your secrets to God, if things are too heavy for you to carry, you weren't made to carry them alone. Remember you don't own your circumstance.
God does, and he can do more incredible things in your life, than you're trying to do.
Lots of love my friend you're going to be OK.
Chloe

Psalm 11.

Hello there.
I'm sorry I haven't been blogging for a while, since I came back from my holiday, I have been working.
So here we go again, I might be a bit sporadic, but I hope to get some bible study done on Psalm 11.
This is what I've been thinking about today.
I was at work, and I was thinking about all the things God has done for me, and for us.
You might have heard the saying, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.
And it's true.
So in Psalm 11, we read, that the Lord is the only one we can go to, and only in him we are truly safe.
Verse 1, In the lord, I can take refuge, how then can, you  say to me, flee like a bird, to your mountain, when calamity comes and when we are left shaking, who do we go and get advice?
We get it from our friends, and family, others from other sources, but we as Christians pray, and we get down on our knees and we pray, pray for God's peace to come to us.
Now getting down on your knees, does 2 things.
1. We are lowing our self to God.
2. It is a part of honouring him, and seeing him.
When you are in the middle of the battle, it might be wordily, it might be personal but when we pray, we are directly calling on God for his fear, and help. Fearing God isn't a run away from him.
We should be running to God, having our own eyes on him, and firmly fixed, then nothing will shake us.
Like a well  oiled machine that works well, we should be like that, give away our secrets, and not live in fear.
Like the great famous quote says, "Don't only practice it's art, but force your way into it's secrets.'' What ever your art is, practice it, perfect it, use to to build God's kingdom, and be strong, take heart small beating heart, you can live again.
Take courage people who dream big, because one day those dreams of yours will come true.
And don't keep secrets to yourself, share them with others so that others will know, that it will spread.
We all need hope, and if you have hope that lies in you, well you've got what it takes.
Go to God on your knees,  and tell him what you need, it might be understanding, it might be wanting to know God more, it might be helping others.
Give all your secrets away.
Chloe

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Psalm 43

Yesterday I talked about vengeance in Psalm 35.
Today I want to talk about overcoming.
Overcoming is something that comes with patience, and accepting who you are.
I was thinking about overcoming, and what that means, over coming fear and anxiety, is one of my greatest battles.
What happens if I don't get  job? what happens if I just go through the motions, and just live by them?
Living and going through the motions is something we all do, I don't think that there's no one, on this earth that doesn't worry.
So what does the bible say about worry? well first, it says that it can't add any time into our day about worrying, infact it takes time away from your day.
We worry if we're going to have enough money, or clothes.
We have enough for today, tomorrow can look after it's self, like my ice cream that's in my machine at the moment.
We just need to chill out.
David struggled with this problem as well, and as we talked as a family last night about happiness and contentment.
We are always wanting more, but in psalm 43 we read that, prayer is important, it's not just that we are Christians and we get in the habbit of praying, but it also strengthens us, and uplifts us up to God.
David makes up his mind, to praise God, even though he has  downcast spirit at the time.
Making up our minds is hard, it often feels like we're just stabbing in the dark for some hope, or a place to say well done. Basically we want to impress someone or something, and I know what that is like. Impressing people is tiring, and it doesn't get you anywhere. and you let other people control you, like a puppet on a string.
And it's not Godly.
David actively praised God, and  shouted aloud, and encouraged his spirit, when we make up our minds to do that, all the ''big enourmous problems go away.'' no I am aware of people who have depression, I had mild depression in my teens, and I'm really wanting to be careful here, because it's not an easy thing, just to get out of.
So I'm wanting not to come across the ''happy clappy peachy Christian life'' thing, because that's not Christian. and if we think that everything is fine and bullet proof well we're just our own enemy because it will get us in the end.
We have to know what God's truth for our life is, and that means, that he is always with us, and he is for us, no matter how many times we've failed, or planned  for things that haven't happened.
Don't worry about them, instead look to what you're doing now, and enjoy the things in this moment, we're too hasty in this life, to look out for the ''Better plan'' and we go with it, and we don't keep our promises.
We need to keep our eyes on Christ, and let him direct our path, and keep him lord over our lives, and let him steer us in the right direction.
David prays for light and truth.
We need to do the same, we need God's light guiding us, and also his truth, to direct us to know what we should do. And we need to be careful who we get our advice from, and not to believe the lies, that are told to us. Because if we believe everything that is said to us, and agree with it, we won't be able to know what the truth is.
Knowing God's truth for our lives is his perfect plan, he doesn't look down on us without an unloving spirit, or discontentment, or hatred. He loves us the way we are.
He also know's the truth about us, and that's the most important thing we can believe in.
No matter if people tell us otherwise, or think we should know.
Because what do they think? they are only going on first impressions, God goes on the heart impressions, and what is better for our character?
So pray, no matter if it's just ''Lord help''  it's a prayer, it doesn't need to be impressive or long, it says in the bible, that it's best if they are kept short to the point, and from the heart.
And don't compare, you can only be yourself.
So that's all I have for today, God and live the life you want to live, with God on your side, the love of Christ in your heart, and the hope of all glory be yours.
Chloe

Through it all

Hi there.
Well it's been another day, and it's the weekend.
I wonder what you are up to.
Perhaps, you're just being chilling out all day, or perhaps you've been working.
God see it, and he loves you with acceptance.
You are loved, held in his hand, and walking in sunshine, not rain.
I haven't really got anything to say, I've just found this amazing song, on you tube, and I hope to share with you. Through all of it, by Colton Dixon.

And he sees, the hope that is in you.

If you look a bit deeper into the meaning of the song, Colton sings that God's love for us will never break.
His love for us, so rich so powerful, like the sun that will rise tomorrow, he is there with us, he knows that we are finding it hard, he knows what we are like, you don't need to hide anymore.
We were made for these moments, the moments in life when you get an ''Aha'' moment, this is where we are supposed to do and be.
Don't give up my friend, not give up on your dreams too soon, you'll come through this, you'll get there.
Your time  has come to shine, and it's right now, this moment, in your life. Never think it's just passing your by.
Love is there to be found.
God is with you through it all, through all the pain, the long suffering, the hope that lies in you, that flicker in your soul of souls, is still there. Never think you're never reach of things, opportunists or chances, that you think will never be yours.
God is there through it all, Like he has been there for me.
I've had to deal with a lot of pain, painful memories, that only God knows, and sees and understands.
I've had to accept myself as I am, an imperfect person, a person who is still full of sin, everyday, but God see's where I am going, and he's taking me by the hand and leading me each day.
I've had to say goodbye to hopes, hopes that flew high as kites on a windy day with no strings attached.
I've cried for things I wish I could just not have, but I have.
This is not my own story, it is Christ as well.
He sees my efforts, and he knows my name.
He calls me home each and every day, he wants me to be healed, but healing hasn't come yet, I have to wait a bit longer.
My God loves, me just the way I am, and sometimes I make mistakes, and I get stuck and I panic, somewhat.
And I struggle...
I've had to forgive myself, I remember writing so many suiside notes, letters, and even trying to do it myself, but I never died. God always was on to me. I couldn't live with myself. I'm now walking in the light of Christ, and i had to lay down all myself and fully surrender my life to him, and going after him and rely on him, and when you get to that, point you know you can do through anything and it won't shake you.
As a person in church  I was smiling, and yeah doing the happy thing, but wondering what I can do better, and it wasn't until I got to the point, that I can't out do Christ, I can't make him notice me, he already notices me, I don't need to do anything special to gain his attention.
The emotional healing has become so much that I can honestly say, that reading your bible, is everything, and be careful, get some help, some professional help. Godly wisdom, and advice, and yeah make sure you have good friends around you, ones that won't gossip  or think it's so amazing that they should tell their friends '' your story.'' because that hurts.
My piece of advice, is just get one or two really close friends, around you, to pray to talk with you, about everything and anything, even it's if you're aunties goldfish.
Well I better let that do.
Chloe

Psalm 35.

I don't know about you, but sometimes you just feel like one thing after another goes wrong.
I know what a way to open up a new post, but sometimes it feels like something or someone is just wanting to harm you, or tell you things that only they feel like they should tell you.
I had this happen yesterday, it was gutting, I felt like saying, why don't the public come into the kitchen and make their own lunch.
What made it worse, was that this person told me to give up my job, and walk out, and only timed it so no one was around so it was just me and her in the kitchen. and I had to just keep going and go through the day, with this overwhelming sense of dread and pretend I was fine, and battle on, what made I worse was that the old ''sorry I didn't mean to offend you'' thing was said, but it was too late, this person made up her mind to just jump to conclusions, ring someone on the phone find out what the truth was, but it was too late.
Now you might be thinking, man that's tough, and yes it was because this person has not only done it once but done it 2x and both times no one was around to back me up. That's not the point, the point isn't the hurt, or the offence, it's how do I go to God with this?
How do I go to God, and forgive, I go running to God and I say to him, "Lord, this is too hard, to carry alone, I give you the hurt, and I hand it over into your scared hands, and let your peace and love come into the situation, please God, please help me to bless this person, please make this person know that I like them,  I know you love  this person, give me the words to bless them.'' Amen.
When we hand over the hurt to God it's not our responsibility, it's not on our shoulders, we are over comers, not overwhelmers.
King David felt the same, and in Psalm 35 ( yes it is here my Douglass St flatmates.), we read that, vengeance is Gods and no matter how we would like to repay people with anger, with isolation, with what ever we  our human emotion we like to repay them for , we shouldn't because that is only giving the enemy an even bigger foot hold, to climb into our mind of doubt.
Now saying that, we have a voice, and our voice can be heard, when all is calm, I'm not letting yesterdays situation rule over me,  but if we are silent on the matter, then we are sinning. Paul instructed Timothy not to let  older people look down on the younger people, because you are young but set an example.
What is the example that we should be living??
 Well being tactful, not with in intent of being harmful, think before you say things, and if you think things will hurt the other person, seek older advice, not just go wild and then regret later.
Paul also instructed Timothy to make every opportunity count, fill your minds with good things, and your soul will be good, you will find things more pleasurable and enjoyable.
Everything you do, do it for God, for he sees you when you raise in the morning and when you go to sleep, he sees things done in secret, and things done in public, he was right with me yesterday, and he rewarded me, with clean plates coming back and good comments while I was in charge with the café.
Hospitality is always about giving the people a good time, with the atmosphere the food and the warmth of the fires, you have to be a giving person when you're a chef, and you have to be open to be corrected if you make mistakes.
And we shouldn't worry if people are saying things about us, because even though they are working with  them , we can be kind to  the cruel people, chances are that I will move on, later and won't see them again.
If you are really hated in your job or get joked about or harassed, take courage  because even in verse 21, if they say to you, ''Aha, aha, with our own eyes we have seen it.'' don't be afraid for the Lord is not silent, even if you think he is.  You know that the Lord is your rock, a firm foundation it will never be shaken or replaced or removed.
A rock is also a thing to shelter in times of trouble.
You know you have a choice, and you don't need to be afraid of what harm will come to you, because you have the holy spirit in you, and while yes it hurts, what your ''enemies'' are doing, is they are harming God and his holy spirit.
So don't be afraid, give it one more go, love the people you love, enjoy the things you enjoy, enjoy being yourself, just enjoy the people who bless you.
I have my brother down from the north island, and what he does is, he has $100 and he blesses people with taking them out for coffee, and he makes new friends, and gets to know people in such a way, that he makes life long friends. Being generous with what you have, it might be that your a caregiver, or have a talent for baking or cooking for people, use it, don't just wait for the ''right time'' or save it for a rainy day.
The saddest thing I find in this world are 2 things, wasted talent, and self -centedness , we are too quickly to jump to conclusions, to tell people what we think of them and try to make it up to them, and the hurt has been done.
Don't go around like this, it only imprissions one person and that is you, and sadly our world has forgotten how to be kind to people, if we are being kind to people, they instantly think, ''What does this person want of me?" and they have forgotten how to take things as a gift.
Pray  for what you have been given, if it's writing, or art or anything else, pray to use it to build up others, and if people don't like you, then it's not your fault, they can't be angry at you, only bitter and angry at themselves, and it if seems like one person has it ''in'' for you, you know that God isn't like that person, he is kind loving and compassionate, and yes in the end, David did get help from the Lord in all he did prospered.

Take care my friends.
Chloe

serving a limitless God

When some friends and I were out walking, we talked about how we serve God.
And how do we serve him?
Do we serve him in worship? in our giving of time, engery, and offerings?
Or perhaps it's been hospitable, we can open up our home/ flat, abode, to anyone and make them feel welcome,  there where several people are gathered in the name of God there he is also.
When I talk about home, I love my home, and I love all the aspects I can do there, I love how our parents opened up our place of Israeli strangers, and offering them food, a bed, a shower, and hearing their stories late in the night.
From  a young age my parents have also used what they have to show others the Love of Christ.
And I hope that one day I will do the same.
We often put limits on ourselves, and sometimes yes on God, we give him Sundays, to have our time with him, but shouldn't it be all the time?
We should act in such away that, people, without being pushy, want God.
But sometimes fear gets in the way, what will others say, when we tell them, it's of God?
That we're doing it souly for him, and not our own Christian benefit.
At the moment, my church is building a new church, and it's exciting, but I have one fear, and that is, when we have this church, and all that flashiness, that goes along with it, we will praise the building and not God.
I am really aware of this, and it's been on my heart, to pray about it, because even King Soloman fell, and got lead astray with his Christianity, and went after his wife's gods.
King Josiah, at age 8 was made king, and he deposed his own extended family, from ruling because he could see that what they ( the Israelite's) were doing were bad.
But he fell, and he sacrificed his own sons in the fire to Molec.
How can we keep on the straight path, well as you know it's really hard being a Christian, and you come up against some really hard people, and sometimes Christian people, hurt other Christians as well, And sometimes, if you're giving out alot, there's often the sense of burnout, if people aren't helping you.
So my question is, how are we going about our Christian lives? God is giving us so many opportunities, even in the small things, even offering a drink of water to a person that's serving.
We serve a God with no limits, we serve a God who is all powerful, all understanding, when no one feel like no is understanding us, we are loved continually by God, no mater what we are going through, what we are facing. His love and his acceptance is there, through the nights you cry yourself to sleep, because the pain is deep, or that you're dazzlingly happy.
God is there with you.
His love is like an over flowing fountain, that never runs out, you will always have more than you need.
I don't know about you, but sometimes it's easy to just love the people you get on with, and that's true, and it's normal, we are called to love others as much as we love ourselves, now loving ourselves might seem odd. But in order to treat others right we need to love ourselves, we like our hair, our character, who we hang out with, what we are doing how we are doing in life, and yes treat yourself, don't think you don't deserve it because you do.
God doesn't have any limits on us, and we shouldn't have any limits, yes there's money limits, but that's because we should live between our means, and watch our dept.
It is sad that to get a home you have to go and get a loan, and pay it off.
But don't let that put you off achieving your dreams, don't go and think, "I could never do that, I could never do what so and so is doing.'' don't compare yourself to others, take everything as it comes, we are all needed in this world, I need my family, and my friends, I need you.
But you also need me, and that's loving people without limits.
I know I haven't done a psalm today, that's because I'm just wanting to write this post because I think there's some people out there that need to know they feel loved, and accepted, it's not all about the air brushed look in glossy magazines, take time to thank God for what he is doing, check where and what you're sacrificing to, see if it's Godly, and fill your minds with good things.
Until another day, may the God of peace, Love and Joy be with you.
Chloe

Psalm 5. Prayer for protection- Where do we find protection from?

Hi there.
Well it's another day, and I know I keep saying that, but please bear with me.
As  I type this, I'm not a person that has all the answers in fact far, far from it.
But tonight I want to have a good look at Psalm 5.
Again out of the good news bible.
Psalm 5 is a prayer and about protection, and we all need that in our lives.
If you think about your day, what do you do?
You go to work in your car, you obey all the road rules to get to work, you might get slightly road rage, and annoyed at the car in front of you as he just didn't indicate and just cut you off, while you are eating your MacDonalds, and listening to your iPod and texting.
We all get annoyed at people, and also sometimes at ourselves, I know I do.
So how do we view protection, why do we need a home? A car, or some other mode of transport, our families, why are we alive?
Those are pretty basic questions, but sometimes they are the most hardest to answer.
And what about our spiritual life?
How do we need protection in our spiritual life?
And are our human lives linked to our spiritual life?
Yes, I think so.
Let me give a demonstration, say your driving in your car, and you speed through the road works and don't obey the road sign to go 30 Ks PH, and you get caught by the police officer  how's fault is that?
Well it's yours, because you thought you didn't need to go 30, and you can go 100 because it's an open road, etc, etc.  and you can probably think of other reasons why you can speed.
The thing that I want to illustrate is this, it's not that you got caught that was the problem it was the reason that, you ignored the signs, and you thought better.
My friend are there signs in your spiritual walk, that you have been ignoring?
Perhaps you thought better, that's why we need spiritual protection.
It's when we think we can do better, without God, we can do without prayer, we can do without praying for protection, but as David says in verse 9, is that our thoughts can't be fully trusted, as much as I love my friends and family, and dogs, I am trusting them, I am fully relying on them, for the help, their encouragement, and I'm not doing this blog just to be cool either. I am doing this blog to get people into the bible.
But I know that my parents can't be there all the time, like wise my friends, and like wise dogs. So who can be trusted?
Only God, God is the only one that we can trust, God is the only one that fully understands, he understands when we mess up, and I do that all the time.
He understands when we fall short on so many things in our lives, when we can't go to church, because we are in that hard ''difficult church '' place, he understands when we find it hard to worship him, when we are in the middle of the raging storm in life.
However there is no reason to fear, there's no reason to fear my friends, no matter if the economic situation is bad for us, when everyone is in denial about it, and saying it won't effect us, we can trust our God, because we know in verse 11, and it tells us,
 ''But all will find safety in you will rejoice, they can always  sing for joy,  protect those who love you, because of you and they are truly happy, you bless those who obey you, Lord, your love protects them like a shield.''

God is the only thing we feel safe in, and do you know what? when we find that God is the safe place our hiding place, we will always sing for joy!! how amazing is that?
I find that incredible, because not only could you be scared stiff, and you freeze and you just feel overwhelmed, and you just can't move forward and you feel cold, and you know how that feels.
We feel fear so much, it's like it's a virus going around.
Well when we know God is our safe place, we will always sing for joy, now that might be now, with what we're going through you might have found your place, or making steps in the right direction, and we're singing for joy, well that's fantastic.
But we might also be in not such a good space at the moment, and the least thing we feel like doing is, singing for joy, in fact you might even think I've gone a bit loopy, yes I have I've gone loopy for God.
A friend recently ended a relationship, and everyone was asking how the person was, she came up with this reply, ''Jesus is great.''
When we give praise to God, in what we're facing we can be made stronger via the holy spirit, and when we build on that, and draw out of that strength, we can face what we're going through,
Finally, when we are blessed if we obey God, and if you feel distant from him,and can't hear him, and you are scared of that darkness of the evil around you, just bless someone with doing a kind thing, it might be using your talents, and you have heaps I don't need to give you ideas, if you have a dog, and you know someone who loves dogs or missing their dog, why not go for a walk with them, with your dog, why don't you buy someone a new person a coffee after church, and talk to them, when we bless others we feel God's love and it protects us like shield, When we reach out to others it pleases God, it gives him pleasure, and yes you go get a gold star on your star chart in heaven.
 A reward.
Well it's getting late, and my holiday has sadly come to an end, back in home soon.
Chloe

Thanking God for his Justice- Psalm 9 verses 1-4 Good news bible

I don't know about you, but sometimes, when I look at the world, and the state it is in, it's hard to see Justice done, in the economic situation in Greece, and perhaps China, how that will eventuate, and how it will effect us. It's so easy to give up and loose hope.
Can anything be done, while we humans run around like headless hens and try to fix the mountain of incredible debt?
I just stand back sometimes and just wonder what would God do?
How does he make sense out of it?
He is in fact supernatural, so where is he in the crisis?
Well he's right here with us, he's there with the Greek people, lining up to draw cash out of their cash machines to live, meanwhile people can't do that, the city and country has gone bankrupt.
Where is the Justice done?
What about our own lives? Where's God when it hurts?
Is God really there? when all around are shadows and dispear.
We read in Psalm 9, that David makes a choice, he chooses to praise God, with all his heart.
He then stands up and states for himself that he will tell of all the wonderful things that God has done for him.
He then sings joyful songs,  and praise to God almighty, for what he has done and what he will do.
We are called to, sing songs of joy to God, songs that give him praise, because when we praise God, all of the bad things that have happened, and the enemies will turn back, because they see God, imagine that? Imagine being so close to God, that when your enemies see God, that give up and don't harm you.
I wish I could be like that, and we can, we only need to talk to God more, and the more we talk to him the more we can trust him, and he won't fail or let us down or disappoint, it says in verse 4, that God is fair, and honest in his judgments and that God judged  in our favor.
Now the word judged isn't a bad word or a word to be scary about, and I know that it brings to mind a court room with lawyers and council, and they jury and all that, and lots of stress, but God always works in our favor.

But we need to be aware of God, we need to be aware of praising him all the time, yes in the good parts of our day, week, year, what ever yes we are called to praise God all the time, and that what I am learning to do. As you are praising God, you will find that the things that you used to worry about will vanish. You know how you are in Christ, and you know that Justice will be done, you know that everyday he is fighting for you, so that you won't be in any danger, God doesn't waste time, his ways are not our ways, he is active in what he does, he knows the plan he has for your life, and it happens fast.  Thank God in the hard times, when it's hard to get up in the morning, when all you want to do is just go back to bed and forget that the sun is in the sky. You have a chance my friend.
What are you going to do?
Justice is hard, it brings to mind all the things that people have done to us, that should have been done, and it should bring some sort of repayment.
But that's not how God works, Is God happy with you?
Oh my goodness me yes, he is very happy with you.
And it makes me think of my parents, you see when I was a child, I thought like a child, I was delayed somewhat due to lack of oxygen to my brain so hence that some of it is dead, which results in a mental illness, and yes it does effect my emotions if not more than my physical side of my disability.
I don't overly excessive worry, but I do, I worry quite a bit, wondering if people get the wrong meaning when I say things, when I give presents to people, what I am like as a person.

Even doing that, thanking God in all things, giving him the glory for now and what is about to come, you see you might feel completely, helpless, you might not even think about God you might even have given up well entirely on church, I don't know, but you know what?
He never gives up on you.
It is easy to believe in things we see, that's how we are made, remember Thomas when Christ died on the cross, he wanted to physically put his hands in the holes of Christs wrists and hands in Christs side, to make him even think about believing again.
My friend Jesus is all powerful, and he will do in his time what he needs to do you your life, if you need something like Thomas, to actually see what Christ has done for you, then tell God what you need and he will give it.
That is true Justice and when Jesus comes back on the clouds then and only then true dept and justice will be done, and all will be finished.
Chloe

Living life to the full and making the most of every opportunity.

Well, it's another day here.
And I have to say I have really enjoyed my week, I've really taken stock, and had a good break.
So my latest post, is about living life to the full, and making the most of every opportunity.
Now where you are, you might not feel like that, you might be in the valley of things, and not enjoying where you are, you might be on the high tops of the mountains, taking in all the views.
But my friend all is not lost, and there's still more in store for you with God.

God is a God of chances, he loves you no matter what you are going through, and he loves you just the way you are, you don't need to fight any more, you don't need to pretend any more, you don't have to get it right all the time. Keeping up this appearance is hard, you can't do it all the time.  Just like Hyacinth Bouquet, you will fail, and that's a good thing, failure isn't one big monster to be afraid of. It keeps us human, it keeps us constantly aware of God's grace and other peoples grace.
While you are wondering how can my failures work, how can God turn around this problem for Good, you might be surprised, and what he can do.

Living life to the full and making the most of out of every opportunity is scary, it's daunting. Yes there are times when you're happy, when you're absolutely so aware of God's presence that he is with you every step of the way,  How do we make the most of the times when we're in trials?
We wear a garment of praise, now that doesn't mean to be pretend happy, but we look forward to the coming King of Peace, one that understands all of our sorrow, and pain.
We bless others we reach out of them, we show them Christian kindness, and love.
Love that overcomes all fear, and in Christ you will find it. That is the only place my friend that you will find it.
You won't find it anywhere else, not in money, or wealth, or love, or other relationships, in addictions.
You will be set free, in Christ, made a new creation, and that means a new people, you're old person, has gone and a new person is made.
God is all you need, so live life to the full, make good godly decisions, not rush into things, that could harm your relationship with God, or others.
Lots of love
Chloe