November thoughts.

Hello there,
How's it all going?
I hope that you're all good, there.
Perhaps you've been out, and enjoying being in town, or with the 2 cruise boats in, you just want to hide.
I think it's great that they are here.
I don't really have a title for this post, mainly because I have been thinking about what God has in store for you.

I want to tell you that you are wanted.

And your not on your own, you don't have to fight to keep being strong, you don't have to tell everyone that you're ''good'' when you're not.
Perhaps you feel like the wheels have fallen off, and you're making 2 steps forward and one step back.

Maybe you're tired of the rat race, and you're wondering if it's all worth it.
It is because we are all called for something bigger, beyond today, tomorrow, infact for all of enternity.

Smile because you can, and there's a bigger plan.
 you don't always have to be bigger, better, rise to the top every time.

Love is what we have and what we share.

We can only be strong for so long.

And sometimes we need to take stock at what we want, and where we want to go, take an inventory, about life.

You don't need to be popular with your frineds, you just need to be there for them, you don't need to have 1000 you just need a few close ones.

I've learnt in my life, that it's ok not to be ok, as my little brother lies sleeping, down stairs, after moving home, he's been away 9 years in a city.
and its in other light bulb moments, we need to come home, and leave the light on for others, who need to be that safe place.

and we need to hear affimation from our dad,s or other people that you are over commers.

encouragers for the road, you can't give, if you wont recieve from others.

Well that's me.
Chloe

Leave the light on in the dark.

How's it all going?
I hope that you're all good, there.
I'm now home, after being in town, and completing a good day.
One of my favourite things to do, is have tea at the art gallery, I have tried 3 teas, and there's 21 and 3 months to try them all before the tea exhibtion closes.
How's life going?
Really how is it?
Are you rushing around, trying to get everything done?
Or are you wondering if there's something more?
What is your heart telling you?
Are you looking down instead of up?
 Are you wondering where are the good days gone?
I'm not hear to tell you, how to live your life.
Only you can do it, and each one is different.
It in those times, in our lives, we find an inner strength.
And we need to be fit, to face them, head on, and really go for it.
It might be a fear deep down, that cause you to stop you frozen in your steps.
It's in that fear, that we hide behind, and from.
It might be things in your work, that aren't right, and you want to be strong, but you're kept from speaking up, for yourself.
It might be in another area, that you are afraid, it's not that you want to be, it just comes out that way.
Why do we hide in the dark?
Its because of the fear of failure.
And trust.
We don't fully love ourselves, because we can't fully trust ourselves to do the things we do.
But if we put that aside, and really look at the ''problem'' what does that look like?
it might be interesting, to really have a look.
To put it under a microscope, and look at the issue.
And leave the light on instead of turning it off.
To ask what went wrong.
You will come out the other side alive.
Looking back, on the other side of my breakdown, I asked my mum while I was day 10 into hospital, if I will come out alive.
it's the truth isn't when we go through things, we wonder if something will eat us up, complete, whole, one big gulp.
My friend if that's you, and your wondering what is the use?
It's time to have some boundries.
Get yourself a good diary, and give people choices, on given days, and plan your days.
This helped me when I was in hospital, I didn't have a planner then, but it's become my second best friend, and I've used it and I've been aware, of days.
Days I can do stuff on, days I work, and days I can help others.'
And it will revolutionlize your life.
Don't over commit and become self inflicted, you will break, and it's only a matter of time.
You might be the most amazing person, at organization, and keeping all the balls up in the air juggling different things,  steering your boat, out of ice berg infested waters, but the damage is done, below the surface.
Don't let steer your ''boat/ life'' into one.
you might trust someone, and have it broken, and you might learn to trust again, but there is one person who you can trust that won't break, and won't let you down, his name is Jesus, don't loose sight of him, hand over the steering to him and let him steer you, out of the ice berg infested water, and leave the light on in the dark.
Chloe

Don't let everying thing to get you.

HI there,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a nice day.
Perhaps you've had a good morning, and you're just sitting down relaxing with a cup of tea in the sunshine.
As I look back on the year, and look forward to next year. I step back, and I think. I do a lot of thinking durring the day, sometimes I do over think.

How many people, do that I wonder?
Have you just stopped, and are you looking after yourself?
Perhaps it's alowing yourself to not get so up tight about things.
Take notice of those small things, because if you don't they will get bigger.

I came home from work, the other day, and my brother sam, said something that I hadn't noticed, and he asked me why do things get to me?
in a carying way?
Why am I so fustrated, at person A, and all the carry on, I thought I left it in the past, but I am still carrying stuff that isn't mine to carry.
so it got me thinking of todays post.

Are you carrying something that isn't suposed to be yours?
Are you wearing ''lost property,'' that wasn't yours to begin with?
What do I mean by that?

I talked things over with someone who I trusted in the hospital sector, the other week, and I have to say, for the first time he told me to slow down!
I keep saying yes to people, and think later.
I'm a go getter, I dont like having heaps of time on my hands, i just feel like if you have a day off, well you should enjoy it, by doing something.
even our holidays had itineraries, call us from the Vontrap family, but not me.
And this very wise person, said to slow down and really think about what you're doing, you don't have to do everything,
I have to say, that is very good advice, I've walked away from a relationship, that was highly needy, and very stressful. I wasn't in a place myself to fix that siutation.
It was making me sick.
And relationships are like that, toxic ones, you can get really wrapped up in it, so much so that person is depending on you to ''get them through''  I had to walk away, I couldn't do it anymore. if the person was going to do it, well there are trained people to help her, I couldn't do anymore than that.
I was wearing lost property that wasn't mine.
And alot of us, can go through life, wearing stuff, that we ''put up with'' because it's all that we have known.
My friend, it's time to shed a few layers. and let yourself be free from all of that.
Yes we have places that we hide, and things that we do, to make sure our ''walls stay up''  and don't let everything get to you, it's ok to not be ok.
Faking it to you make it, doesn't work, it only makes you go on a downwards spiral.
How do I know?
I know I've been there, and it's not the best place to be.

If you asked how I am now, I would say I'm getting better.
And  those small ideas, that you have act on them, and write them down, they are given to you, because no one else has thought of them.

There is always time to, learn new things, don't think for a minute that you are to old, to learn new things, there is always time to pick up new things.
Life always moving forward, I was at the beach before this post, and I was watching the waves come, and they were so clear, and it was early morning and the sunshine was just amazing, on the water, it was only me, waiting for my friends.
just me and the lord, and it was as if on a stormy day like yesterday, the water would have been all rough, but this morning it was smooth, and clear, and it's after the storm and the weather in our life clears up, we can see things for what they are.
Information gets miss understood, and we take it all out of proportion and something so small goes into this big as thing, when did it start?
it started with getting the wrong end of the stick.
Learn this, it's not as bad as it seems, and everything works out in the end.
We also need boundries, for ourselves. we are not a taxi service for our friends.
it's ok to go back and change your mind, if things don't work, or your heart isn't it.
We all have the best intentions, and we try really hard to keep those, but if for whatever reason, we can't we go back on them.
To obey is better than sacrifice,
In my old job, I was sacrifcing, every Christmas, to work, and the shine wore off, and it just wasn't me anymore. so I changed jobs, why?
plain and simple, I wanted better hrs to work part time, and steady hours.
and a christmas off, fair you mind think its crazy, but after working for 6 christmases, fair enough you might say.
and so I picked a supermarket.
Nothing against, my old work place I loved it, but I am getting older, so I thought that it was time for a change. and go with the changes.
you don't always have to be on top of everything, just plodding away is fine.
Some of us are built for plodding and long distance, rather than a  sprinter, short fast, get it done sort of thing.
This I have learnt on my friends horse farm.
she has many horses, to ride for different people, she even has a an ex racer.
my horse that I ride is a plodder, a well schooled horse, that gets the job done. now if I was on James the racer horse,I would think like everything is short sharp and quick,, but james wasn't on the track for long he was built to race, but the track wasn't for him.
you might say, '' but he's a race horse all sport horses are racers or endurance riders'' James got to concerend about the track that he was best out of it.
and sometimes that is us, the ''track'' in our lives, isn't the best one to be on, it's only once we're off the track we grow to be the real person that we are.
That's me for today.
Chloe
.

Ask, seek, and knock.

Hello,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a really nice day.
Today I was at the chinese gardens, as I had to do something there, and we got talking about how tranquil it is, and that half the time we are so busy, running around, forgetting the small things in life.
All it can be, is a simple cup of tea at the gardens.

I might not be working today in the bakery, but it got me thinking about things differently.
How life is so complex, yet it can be so simple.
Maybe it's time for us to take stock of where we are and what has been happening.
How life is always evolving, and how people are so kind, and generous, to us.
sharing with what little they have.
It could be advice, from good friends that you trust, it could be your parents, and lets face it, it's not all over when you turn 18. yes you might be older and wiser, but your parents still love,  you, and they have many a sacrifice to get you there.

This year has been interesting, in so many ways, and I talked to someone today, who said, to me, to slow down.
I'm a girl that doesn't, if there's a course going I'll do it.
I'm in the middle of finding a verifier for my floristry course, here in town.
which is exciting.
I just need to find someone who will tick off the work experiece hours.
Alot of us,have dreams, and we put them aside and carry on, but what about living each and every day, to fulfill those dreams?
We sometimes forget in the long run, about them, if there's no waves on the water, life is good.
and it is, it's very good, we have so much freedom here in our nation, that we take for granted.
While others don't have food in our cities, we find out ways to get food to them.
we can often go through life with blinkers on, and just stick to the small population of one person.
but what about the rest of the people who are just waiting to share your life with?
that little girl, that no one loves?
 or that boy with no lunch at school?
Or that person who is on the street corner, with nothing?
How can we love them?
Do we just give to New Zealand organizations just to get a tax rebate?
Or do we capture the whole, picture?
Love must simply come first.
Because Jesus first loved us,
So what are you doing today that Jesus has called you to love?
to help out, to set that person free?
Ask, Seek, knock.
If you don't ask you will never know, if you look, you will miss opportunities,  if you don't go looking for opuntitines, you will always be knocking on closed doors.
Chloe

Way maker.

Hello how are you?
I hope that your good.
Perhaps you've got a cup of tea, and having a well deserved break.

How's your year going?
How's it ending up?

Has it been tough and hard going? perhaps it's been a really awesome year.

I am looking forward to the new year, and for Christmas, where all of us can be together, Matthew has moved back home, so I'm really super keen to really get to know him better, without him going back to Auckland for work.

But I want to talk to you, about jesus being a way maker.

Even if you really are struggling with something today, maybe your prayers seem to bounce back, raise a Hallelujah, and watch the darkness flee.

Jesus, is there, in the highs and lows of life.

Your wepon is a melody, Jesus, is one, that will be there, no matter what, we all need him.
This year has taught me a lot, a lot of human frailties and how we need each other.

I took my friend out for a coffee yesterday, we talked about being protection, and how we all need it, it then got into relationships, and what our views are.

I hadn't really given it much thought, at 25 years, old I thought I would be married, and have children, and my own place, and my dream would happen, my only thing is, it hasn't happened yet.
I say yet, because I am always full of hope
and I have to say, good men are hard to find. my friends who have found good men well keep them my friends with all your life.
So I did something life changing the other day, I filled out fostering forms, and have decided to be a mentor for a child, and hopefully I am in the system later in life.

There is no point waiting for life to happen, to save it ''up for a rainy day'' because my friends you'll always be saving up.

My life this year, has been interesting, with a ''trip up the hill'' as my friend says, and I like that. I am no longer a slave to my breakdown, I embrace what happened, because it was I Needed I needed my brain re loaded.

At church yesterday, I felt convicted under the holy spirit, to help out, I heard about slavery, and young children under 6 years old making bricks, in Pakistan and my heart just broke, for this kids under the blazing hot sun, trying to meet their quoter each day with no shade.
It was truly heart breaking I MUST HELP.
What happens to the ones before them that get rescued, under such hash conditions?
how can we break the cycle?
we are just a drop in the ocean, and it is a big ocean, but we can always fill it up, and see the need.
we need to get these children, out of these condtions.
Over here children, are free, to run around, and enjoy life. over there they are making bricks, and under a hot sun.
We must help. and show these children, that there is a way, out of the poverty and their plight. that Jesus is their way maker.
Chloe,
,

rice pudding

Hi there,
Hands up if you like rice pudding?
Well today, I am going to say I do.
And I'm going to make it for tonights pudding.
There's something great about rice pudding, I don't know what it is.
The only thing that I don't like is the raisins, just plain vanilla rice pudding with hokey pokey ice cream.
Just give me that, and I'll be a happy girl.

Sometimes life feels like rice pudding.

There's something great about rice pudding, it's sweet but not to sweet.
So lets get into the word of God now, and think about that.
How do we stay on track with God?

We learn from him, and we give everyone our best.
How we see ourselves, is important, because that comes from our work, if we're not putting ourselves out there, in a good way, what does that say about us?
When we go through things that aren't our fault, perhaps others have been mean to you, controlling, can be your real self, because just that, you are afraid that they've seen to much.
Maybe you're in that rice pudding stage, where it seems all lumpy, and thick, and can't make sense of what's going on.
maybe hit to many walls, of solid concrete that you're just wanting to break through.
My friend, if you're left wondering why? where to from here, and tears seem to be your only friend. cry no more, maybe you've cried all your tears they've left to cry. and maybe you're left wondering if, they're your only friend.

In song of songs, it says let the east wind blow on a garden, sometimes we need those east winds again, to blow on us.
we need to see new visions, are you caught up in something that, just has a grip on you?
perhaps it feel like you're suffocating, inside, you don't know it.
Jesus is there, as you cry out to him.

Just sit back and relax and eat rice pudding if you like it, or some other sweet treat.
My friend, we all need to be strong, but if you're not feeling strong because you are in that ''rice pudding'' stage. and your left scared and hurting. and no one came to your defense, because they were blind to it.
Jesus does he sees it, and he knows it's not ok.
You might struggle to see it now, and believe in a God, that is invisible but he knows, it goes on.
how does he know?

nothing suprises him, he can take the anger, he can take it all.
Jesus has you on his team.
and that is good for me.
Chloe