Give me wings so that I can fly.

I was at Aglow the other night.
What is aglow?
It is a womens like church, or a big home group.
We sing songs, and listen to a speaker, a really good night out.
As I write this, the sun is shining down on the water, and the day is beautiful.

A while I go, I had something happen to me, and one of the questions that a doctor asked, was, or something similar along the lines of, ''do you think there's signs around you. that are just for you?"

I don't really know what what sort of signs, I guess, there are signs, we often ask Jesus for signs don't we?
Like, the car parks, or the perfect gift.
Or something bigger, like are we supposed to take that job,  in a different city.

Or go into a relationship.

As I was singing, I saw above the worship leader, this ''sign'' with metallic silver.
 ''Give me wings so that I  can fly.''

We always want to fly don't we?
When we're little, we wanted to be super heroes, so that we can fly, and save people.
This little ''sign'' got me thinking, what if we could fly?
What is in us, that wants to fly?
Is it being like Frodo, in the Lord of the Rings, we have this super power, and when things get hard, we can just pray and just fly away from it all?

When do we find Jesus, in our lives when things get tough?
We know he is always with us, each and every day, he will never let us go, he won't ''tell us off.'' if we do something wrong.

Do we just want to fly away when we can't do it anymore?

Well that's when we press into the people that are there for us, and hey it's ok, to be vulnerable.

If we are '' strong''  all the time, we're bound to bend, not break, because we don't break when Jesus is in our lives.

It might think he's turned off the light, but he hasn't.
we will go through some really dark places, and yes to the most confident friends, I'm sure that they just don't talk about it.

Why?

Because with what we're going through there's a stigma that is attached. We wonder what will happen if people really found out the reason.

And to your truest and dearest friends, they will take you as you are.
People who need to know, need to know, people who don't well they don't need to know everything.

With anything, we go through we open ourselves up to risk and trust. we come to the place in ourselves, that we can share with people who genuinely care.

But we need to know, this for ourselves, that doesn't mean that people can have ''tabs'' on us, that are always open.

We need to trust our family members, and closet friends that's all I'm saying.

But we always need to be confident in ourselves, that we can do this work that the Lord has chosen us to do.

And it will come, the more you press into him, the more room he'll give you wings to fly.
That's me for today.
Chloe

Taking back, what is yours.

Hello,

How's it all going?
We've moved the kitchen table, into the living room, and what a change it makes.

The boats are moving, up and down the harbor, the road works are making a  cycle way for us to use, it will be completed soon.
Just in time for our cycling.

I caught up with a friend, yesterday, it was such a lovely time, you know those times, when you just are spontaneous, and you find a quiet cafe, and the coffee is good, actually, I've found also another clothing shop, to shop in too.
So now my clothes are so tight in my wardrobe, it's is so full.

I found 2 nice things, which, I promised myself, don't' go in, but something was calling my name, and well the temptation was too great. cheap and new to.

So I don't need anymore clothes.

However, I digress, sorry.

I'm going off topic.

I'm talking about taking back what is yours, so what do I mean about that?

What if we aren't careful and we just waste the things we have?

What if we just sit around, and just think everything will come to us?

We need to be activity going around and looking for it.

I am a new person after my breakdown, the old '''what sort of mood is cloe in today?" has gone, dead, buried.

I was extremely moody, I was, really ''iffy'' if that's a word.
I was trying to do both things, trying to please my parents and everyone around, and be my self, it doesn't work.

And no it's not self centered, if you are taking time out, you're just preparing for the next step.

And I think that is why I Like seasonal work, sure it's not for everyone, but it's a time to settle down, and just look for the next thing to do. if you have the funds.

Or even if you don't go out and do the study that you would love to do.

It's time to take back what has been taken from you, remember that you are courageous, and stand strong, like a light in a lighthouse, shining out into the rough waves.

I love it when I see people use their tallent, or hear from friends, and family, that have gone out and have done, what was required of them to do.

We measure success by the money we have earned, but have you thought about, the slient successes that you have done over the the years?
The time when you've listened, the time, when you've been there, well it's speaks louder voullumes that any deposit or transaction in the bank.

Sure we need money, but it shouldn't always be the goal of everything, our work we find meaningful, should be our forever goal.

When my auntie took me out, to Mosgiel, I brought a sign out there when I was in hospital,  it says '' There, are so many beautiful reasons to be happy'' and that was it, that was my turning point.

No matter if you feel like a flower in the rain, or scent of the latest rose, in the garden store, you are worth it.

So if you've been told, other wise, write on a piece of paper, or go out to a hardware store, and buy yourself a sign, and just enjoy the time out there.

and find something in everyday, to find a reason  to be happy.
For me, it's my sweet coffee in the morning, it's my family, it's my friends who take me just as  I am, if I make sense or not.

And that is my reason, to be happy.
Redeem, the time that you have.
Chloe

Time to let the old things go.

Hello there,

Today I want to talk about, things that have been on my mind.
And when you have heaps of things on your mind, it's so easy to let them get away from you.

Winter is a great time, to take stock, and really sit down or think in the car or just where ever you are at the moment, and really think about what's letting you go and do the things you've always wanted to do.
Life is to short to think ''I'll save that for tomorrow.'' what are you saving for today?

Sometimes, we get out our measuring stick, and we always, think we don't measure up, to the standards of others. However, who was the one who told us to do that anyway?

Family? Friends? co workers? targets to reach all the time?
 Sales? marketing?

There's good stress and there's bad stress, bad stress, can lead to many paths, but we also have good stress, not like a fear of,
"Oh what will people think of me?"

 However  a stress that drives us on,and we all need that in our lives.

The thing is we zoom on, on the negatives, too much that than the postitives.
 Without this good stress in our lives, we don't get a good work satisfaction.

We are connected to so many devices , we think we're good at multitasking but our families, are paying the price for it.

We have people going out to on their way to school, to buy them lunches through the drive throughs.

Instead of making lunch, a memorable and cheaper way, and made with love.

 We are slowly, becoming lulled into the sense that this is the norm to be always busy, and if we take time out to be a family, we are selfish.


We think we're intelligent and we are, but it's how we use our brains and hearts. and thinking that matters.

We are loosing to many people, to the world of drugs, sex and alchol, before they know what it means.

Call me old school, but we need to get back to basics, and we need to allow ourselves in the right time, to let the old things go.

I was writing my to my nana, in the north island, probably the most aspired person I'd like to be, if I grow up.
 Why?

Well, it's her share grit and dertimination, that I think, got me through my 13 days in hospital.
She's 91, played Golf for New Zealand under 18, and lost her parents in a house fire, when she had a young family.  she might not be on the list for the new year honours, awards, but for me, getting through that, and still going strong, she's on my list. she's worked hard all her life.
And when I moved away from home, those phone calls, where just what I needed, when Invercargil got to wet and miserable.

It might be a letter in the post, it might be connecting with an old friend, it just might be something really out of the blue, that you do for someone.
 but by doing this, you're growing, a bit like a pruned bush or tree.

I've just done, the red currents, and their canes were everywhere, and as I was doing them,  and they were a bit of mess, but I like pruning, and it was like my life, the canes were everywhere, and we in our own lives, we accustomed to this, it's not until we get the loppers out, that we cut right back to the base of our hearts, for the new growth to come.
 and grow, and grow we do, it might be slow at first, it might be incredabily hard at first it might be emotionally, and physcailly painful.

However, we are made stronger, I'm not saying to put a band-aid, on a bleeding wound, I'm not saying to ignore, what it is. but we need to address what we have, and really, deal with the things that we are going through.

God is good all the time, yes and he says that he'll never leave us?
 We need to trust in that, and in our busyness, just rest in his love.



When we rest in Jesus's love, we can spend the time, with him, and let the old things go.

Jesus bless you.
Chloe


  

working out your faith muscles.

Hi there,
How are you?
As I write this, I'm thinking about how are you?
Writing this, has been a journey.
We are all one, weather we like it or not.


This morning as I woke up, I put my feet on the floor and got ready for the fym session, it was all about grit and dedication.
It was called Pipe line, so exercises based on surfing as it's the most multifunction sport in the world.

3 times around the circuit without any breaks, only for hydration.
then I popped up and saw my older brother, and his delightful cat Freddy an out going Siberian forest cat.

It was so good deleting my face-book page, and just unplugging for a while.


Today I want to talk to you, about, excising  your faith and what that looks like.


We sometimes come to the point in our lives, that we try and protect the things that we have with such caution, we care so much, and that is good. but what if there's a bigger picture out there?
What if, you are compelled by compassion, to really make a change?


How you might ask? how am I going to change?


Well you can start by prayer, and listening to good things, on the radio, and or books, that will change you.


Then start by praying, just tell Jesus what he means to you, and what way you want to change.


We all have to come to a point in our lives, are we ready for change?
we mgiht not be in a space to get change, or be in the space to accept change, no one can be you, apart from you.


There's only one, so that is why life is so precious.


It is the sick that need a doctor not the well.


So it's important, to really listen to your body, if you're sick go to a doctor, or if you're feeling snowed under by work, see someone about it.


When I was in hospital, I had days when I didn't have much energy, but on the days I did, I planed somethings, and you know, what?
It worked,


I might not do all the plans,  life changes,  it's like a river, a river never runs straight, it always, always has bends in it, but it always finds it's why to the sea.


So it's important to really look after the things we have, and cherish those moments.


I'm sure over your coffee or tea, take a pause and think about ways, just small ways you can start to excersise your faith, not go all out, you can if you would like. but just ways that you can, just make someone's day that much brighter, and give them hope.
And your faith muscles will grow, a bit like physical excerise at the gym.
Continue to look after yourselves.
C

June thoughts.

Forgive me if I've already done a June thought.

I couldn't really think of a title, this time around. so you'll just have to put up with my randomness for a while.

I was reading proverbs last night, always good to read a bit of the bible each day, it just centers you, or other christian content.

I came across, this one.
I thought of my counseling friend, who is extremely good, at it. because of Proverbs 23:12.


I came to a realisation last night, it dawned on me, that the bible has the answer for every thing we need.

It's Proverbs, 23: 12.
 Apply your heart to instruction, and your ears to words of knowledge.

yeah I know, I mean, you might snuggle up with a blanket.
but for me when I read that last night, and now.
and I opened Dad's bible, he's got it highlighted.

We all strive for something don't we?

We all want to be the better person, or be there for people, or do whatever it takes.
However we don't and won't get very far, if we think we're on the right path, then it gets changed.

Why is that?
well we're human, and we're not God, but his way's are always perfect.
I'll give you an example shall i?

again out of a garden, this one out of our own one.

We had a grass path, in our garden, we'd landscape it out right, but as in nature, nothing is every perfect, it's always changing.

So Dad decided to level it out, Matt was down, it meant digging into the bank, and taking clay, heavy dense as nothing good to use clay, and wheel barrowing it out to somewhere else to build up other paths, that are low.

Dad listened to his heart instruction, and went for it.

Each of us are different, we use our talents differently.

you might think you're not good at something, but others think that you are.

for me, when I was in hospital, it was clothes, I had to mentally make myself better, had to get up at the correct times, and have breakfast, and dress nicely, I've always had nice clothes, some Mum made, some are collections from OP shops.
 yes I do have second hand clothes, but some a such lovely finds, i'm sure you have the bug too, some of you.

It's when you listen to your heart, and you think, hang on, I'll leave that for the next person to have pleasure out of.

that's listening to your heart.

I got to a point yesterday, when I am acutally feeling like I'm something, and I applied for a new job.

and I've also said yes to my space for Floristy for next year, job wise shouldn't be a problem.

The job I went for, was a baker at Barkers, the chutney and fruit syrup people.

in delightful Geraldine.

touristy in the summer, quiet in the winter.
And one thing about Larnaches, is that it teaches you that work can be seasonal.

So weather you it's been a while before studying, or you think you should get back into the things, you once enjoyed.
Do because you've listened to your heart, and your ears have listened to the words of knoweldge.

So pull up those sport socks a bit higher, and just go for it, because you know, you can, and are more capable now, than you ever will be.

Lesons from life.

Hello my friends.
How's it all going?
I've been wanting to write for a while, and since my break in ward 9C.
I haven't been a bit amiss about my blog.
I am sorry for that.

What I want to share with you today, is, that no matter what you do, you really do count and matter.

You might think  ''oh thanks for that'' but you really do.
It's not until you have a breakdown, you actually  are told to take it easy.
I thought I was taking it easy.
But as I look back, I think back on somethings, and prayers, that I know, have been answered, and I'm like a painting, still work in process. Some paint has dried, but I'm still a work in progress.

I think that's what we need to value, and take home with you today.
That no matter what you are going through you are like a painting, a really bold, beautiful painting, still work in progress.

How, you might ask?

Well we're are all here by some grand design.

In ward 9C, is no matter how ''tough you are.''  you can not plan or schedule a breakdown.

As the minutes, turn into days, days turn into months, and years.

I was doing rather nicely.

What got you through it?
I believe having something in your heart.

Christ, but also study, because if I didn't study, who knows this thing would have happened in Invercargil.

BUt it didn't.

In life, it is extremely important read the signs, if you're not well, not just as my friend said sweep it up under the carpet, and then trip up on the pile, afterwards.


I was praying, one day to make our family strong.

And this was one of the many ways, of Jesus answering my prayers.
My mothers heart has totally changed, and we're back to the way we used to be.

Some people say,  oh you'll be back to your normal self.
And to a point I am, but I'm now saying new normal self.

See we have to die to our old self, a bit like tulips, and other spring bulbs.

If you lift them out of the ground, each winter you will get a second planting.
However if you leave them in, they will rot, in only a few will survive.

Gardeners have to plan and plant to the weather conditions.

There's not much point, if soil doesn't like the plant, trust me, I planted a Chattam island forget me not, in dry soil, it likes shade, and water.

You might think, oh the Chattams, are dry and barren, why didn't it like my dry and barren, soil?
I wasn't looking after it,and or it only survived on the nutrients in the pot.

Gardners plant to the soil and weather conditons, if you were doing a sea landscape, you'd plant succlenets, and other plants, and really go for blues, deep grey's  and others plants. Not orriental lillies.


One thing we like to do, is to beat ourselves some lies, and we believe them.

or others, just little half truths, trying to keep ourselves safe.

I know I've done it.

what was it about?
A pencil sharpener.

What?
Yes, a pencil sharpener.

I sharpened all the pencils in the ward, with this amazing, sharpener and left it out, and went out for a grounds walk, then came back, and made myself a cup of tea, one thing lead to another and mum trusted me with this sharpener

it was left out all day, even when I was home.

Lunch was great, but this sharpener was on my mind, the what if's came, what if it's not there by the time I get back?

Well yes, it was, but my journal that I was working on was taken.

It was found later in the day, and mercy called.

Now I am called, to mercy, because mercy lead us to the cross.

And calls us to forgive.

We are here for a purpose, please don't think you don't have a purpose. because you do.

One of the sad and tragic things, is that young people don't know that they have a purpose, we don't know how much it hurts our nation to not have a purpose.

One of my days I  was in hospital, 2 people tried to commit suicide or attempted, one guy there,  tried in the airport before boarding his plane.

And he sat across from me, so hungry, and his eyes I'd tried to smile and look into his eyes, not in a romantic way, but just to get some light back into his soul.

Nothing.

It wasn't till the last day he laughed, and his eyes, had light back into them.
I don't normally pray in bathrooms, but I prayed out loud,  and Jesus must have heard my prayers, and melted this mans heart.

Well  that's all I wanted to share with you today
Chloe

Scenes of Heaven.

Hello there.
How's it all going?
I have to say, that this past few 11 days has got me on a new train of thought.

If you were to ask me, what life has been like?
I'd say it was very different now.
Why you might ask? at 4 :48 on a monday night?

Well I was of the 1% of New Zealand, to have what they call a mental break down.

I wasn't prepared for it, me, who has never been to the doctor for anything, had a nice ''holiday'' in Ward 9c, at Waikai hospital.

What was it like for my parents, over those 11 or so days?

Frightening, me going into my room, talking to a ''friend'' now this friend is complelty real, but  I had a feeling that some how, through unknown technology, we talked through the phone lines.

And yes, it was another interesting, expereince, one that will never hopefully happen again.

I was believing, that even in the hopital, that somehow the light even was a tape recorder, by the way it was clicking, but that was only because , later I found out that it was cooling down.
Apparently I'm not the only one, that thought this. so that was good.

I was doing my normal things, until, one day, my head had enough, like enough enough.

I made a 111 call, out to someone, and it wasn't serious enough, so they put me onto a auckland number.

I left my body 4 times, 3 times at home, with head pain so much, that I left my body, and saw a massive, unending tunnel, this was a tunnel filled with angel wings, and their beating, I just floated through.
And towers of all these beautiful building built with silver, towers and towers of buildings, and billions of flowers blowing in the angles wings, never fading.

And Rose, I met Rose, Rose, was a person, who I knew, she looked beautiful, with blond hair, with roses in her hair, she was standing in a crowd of people, but to the side.

once I saw her face I knew it was her.

then I came down again, but then I went up again, then came down again.

Then I had arc angels in my hospital room, they were massive, but before that, 2 days before that, I saw angles marching up and down, the drive way.

It was like they were proteching me, from what was about to happen.

You know when you have these expeiences, you know, that life is precious, and you know, that you've been to Heaven.

Because once you come out of it, you know in your heart, and Jesus is so close, so close you can touch him, well really hug him.
Like being a little child, reading a book on his knee.

I remember, coming out of a meeting, with the doctor, and professior, that really was wonderful, coming out of the meeting not knowing where my room was, so had to be directed to it.

My brain felt like it was being wiped of all info, it was so full, so full, of everything. like my brick was in my head instead of a brain.

Dull, heavy and painful.

This continued oh for 3 days. till the medication kicked in.

I am now on medication for a year.

Here was me, going about her normal week, I saw Jasper, picked her up, took her out, then did Dad's shirts, then I did something else.
Then boom, brain malfunction.

Scary yes, however in Hospital at ward 9C, I met some amazing people, that I just spent time with.

There's something about, a hospital, that once you are in there for 11 days, you get to know a few things.

That people need relationships, and love. that's all that they need.

and the right care from nurses.

And as I was in the bathroom, one day a sense of something came over me, you know when you are like. Oh dear God there's so many needs, and you're aware of them?
" but also need to know who to look after yourself?

I just prayed, and prayed for all of them.

We have amazing nurses, and people in there that care, we really do.

It's an amazing part of hospital really.

I've managed to plan my days better, to look after my self, to have family know, that I am only starting out, nothing to do with me. but just to let them know. a few things.

I remember praying, one day for something to happen, to make our family close.
Jesus reminded me today, of a few things.

He said '' Chloe do you remember that Lord please bring our family close again prayer?" well I just answered it for you.

And he's so close to me now, I hear his voice all the time, and it's not the medication.

Well I better let that do.
Lots of love
Chloe