Being strong in who you are.

Hello there my friends.
How are you?
I hope that you're good and happy.

I've been thinking a lot about commitments and how comitted we really are.

I've also been hanging out with a lovely friend of mine, and we made about 80 Chinese dumplings, together from scratch. Making the dumpling dough, and filling. these ones are pork and prawn with cabbage.
I've also wrote a letter to my Gracie, my sponsored child I write to once every 2 weeks.
I'm also on the hunt to sponsor a boy, from El Salvador.

I have also begun therapy for myself, as well. so facing the past, getting that over, and moving on.

I have also made brownie today, and will freeze a bit, for my brother Matthew, who is still up in Auckland, seeing his friends, as he went up there for a job interview, but now looks like he'll be home. which will be good.
I can give him his ginger bread man, and some brownie I will freeze for him and some of my 80 dumplings, that I made today.


I have also booked in a horse riding lesson, back at my old riding school, I'll be Chontelle, or Wilson. but that's not until the 3rd of next month.
I am also away, next weekend at my best friends Baby shower.

I'm also starting to plan a bit more, for the boys at the school and what they like and don't like, and what to make for them.
Once a week, I'm making soup and scones for them. for morning tea, I do it for the teachers, but now the boys are getting some as well.
they love hot soup on cold days, and it makes me happy to see boys happy.
They will eat anything, that is going which I'm happy about.

The staff are what I call ''Putting in their orders, for morning teas.'' they do pay for it, and I do like to keep them happy, it's apparently the high light of their day, is morning tea, and what are they getting.
The school is using me, for to a bit of in house catering as well.

So this week the staff will be getting, corn chowder, and small seafood pies. I am wanting to make them like the Fairlie, with their sea food pies.
with thickner of potatoes in them, shrimp and smoked salmon and a bit of fennel would be nice.
I'm always thinking of the princepal, and I think not that it puts the fear of God in me, but I  think help he's brave eating my stuff. There's also 2 very foodie up with the play teachers in there as well, so I need to be in with the right mix.

I'm finding that I am asking lots more questions in the day, what can I improve on and it's listening and doing, cleaning and multitasking all at once.
Along with making sure the boys get enough.

so it might sound a lot, but I throughly enjoy what I do, and each time somone asks if I'm enjoying, I can now say I'm in my ellement.
I can research my things, and go for it.

I am wanting the boys to have lava cakes, which is a bakels packet mix, but I think that the boys would love them.
I know if I was a kid, I'd love lava cake thursday, so far it's muffin friday, as one boy requested muffins, so I've made banana choc chip, and blueberry choc chip muffins, I'm wanting to make a orange choc chip, with real oranges.

Again sticking to the no banana rule, but I thought, that it would be something that their mothers would have made.

The boys like anything Lemony, and tangy, so I'm trying to steer away from the chocolate, although the first thing I will be baking tomorrow will be the famous mud cake recipe.

So when I bake, I think of the kids I'm sponsoring, and I think of dear Gracie, and I wonder if she's happy, as I wish you could see a photo of her, she's the sweetest little girl ever.
 I would love to go over and visit her one day.
 Grace is too small to write the letters so her mum writes them for her.
 I'd love to know where abouts in Indonesia she lives and go over. perhaps thats something I can work on.
In the summer holidays, which are the longest holidays.
I am fortunate to have a job where I do get holidays, that's why I went to work at a school, and next weekend, I am free and on holiday.

 Which I plan to plan out my book, a bit more. and stick to it.

So that's really about it, I am learning through my therapy, that everything is ok, and will be ok. and processing our thoughts, one thing is, I am a fast reacter, always has been. and I don't often slow down and think things through.
 If I was a horse I would be a sport horse, rather than a station hack. Matt would be a pacer, and I would be a galloper.

Reply now, and wait later, that's me.

it's how I'm wired. which has it's ups and downs, and it's fustrations. because I am always feeling like I'm wearing blinkers, and missing things in life, because I'm galloping away thinking to get to the next thing as fast as I can.

Which is why I'm going to therapy, to control this, and process it's ok to slow down.

The horse has already bolted and I'm away with it. trying to bring it under control.

Some people might think it's over compensating making up for lost time, but when your in the thick of it, you don't have a time to think.
you just go in this bolting horse and hold on.

It also has it's down falls, because, you often miss the details in life, because you are so task orreitnated, to get to the next thing, you miss the vital signs.

One of my vital signs, are working with horses, because that is when you have a horse, that you work with, and it's in tune with you, you can't be in another space, it's just you and the horse.
It's always waiting for your next command. it's in no hurry to get to the next thing as it's taking a leaf out of your book.

You need to know yourself, before you work with horses, they bring out the best in you. when you see rider and horse working together it's an art, and it's beautiful.

There's just something about horses, that makes me fully relax.
it doesn't matter if it's a horse that has just come out of the track, or it's the sweet Chontelle, who is an angel. no horse is similar.
they all have their qurks, and that is what I love about them.

I set myself a goal to horse ride, as I've never done it, but I now know a little, more, each time I ride, and ask the horse to do something. when you work as team together, you really are a team, and you trust that horse, and you trust yourself.
That your horse always has your back.

It has done a lot for me over the year, to go riding. I have been in places, where I wasn't happy, that  jobs were just jobs, or jobs haven't been right.

But never look back always forwards, and think that was then this is now.
I am in a job where people depend and trust me to know what I'm doing.
I don't always get feed back on my baking, but I get pleasure of doing it.
It's when you serve people, and you find it effortless to do so, you are in the right job.

And surround yourself with good people, don't surround yourself with just ''takers'' because they will let your goodness for granted, and it hurts the heart of God, to just be focused on yourself all the time.

Jesus came for the lost, for the people least of us, for us, because he saw that we need salvation.

So no matter if we're in the storms of life or at a cross roads, we know, that we have the will of God in our lives.
That our struggles for ourselves are real, my struggle for me is real every day, I think man I'd love to be that or do that, or be married. But for me now, right now, it's to know the will of God, go after it for all we have, and be in him, beacause if we are outside of him, we are like the tossing of the waves we don't know our own mind, we're here there and everywhere, and we don't know ourselves.
God knows, and he knows, what we can take, and can't take.
That's me for today.
Chloe

Coming clean.

Hello dear friends,

How are you?
I have had a good day at work, everything went to plan, and I left early.
I like to have a plan, and not be there to much over time.
Tonight they are feeding part of dad's school, St Hida's for dinner, so it's all on.

It's not a competition,but we strive to do the best we can.

So now I'm listening to my favourite  speaker, which I thing will help cleanse my mind.

I don't know about you, but we all work people, who are different to me.

And I'll share with you one comment, when we talking around the brunch table.

We were talking about children, and where we come in the pecking order, I said that I'm in the middle, and quite proud of my brothers, both are quite successful.

And without batting an eye lid, someone once said, ''oh the middle child is often forgotten about.'' the forgotten child.''

I had to just bite my tongue, and just look down at my empty plate.

I had  had enough about in a sarcastic way, of ''being special'' and this was it.
I mentally thought that we're in a battle here.

Now that person, might not know the offense, I have learn my lesson on not being a tattle tattler, because that does more harm that good.

I put on my armor of God, and battled.

I am thankful for the person  who helps me, but little by little, I thought help whatever I have in my life I have to guard it.

And not to be so friendly, and just be careful.

It takes only 5 seconds for someone, to make impression of you.

Clearly this person thought I was ''special'' but not in a way I think I'm special.

I am starting my psychology appointments soon, this is new for me.
so that I can process things and move on for the better.

When I came out of hospital, I had to have a wellness plan, it impressed me, that I'm still doing things that I wanted to do.
somethings I haven't done.

Somethings, the lock down stopped for a while but I got back on the horse physically.  and it felt so good.

I really recommend if you suffer from anything  get out on a horse, and ride.

I am nothing without a horse, there is something that goes on between rider, and horse when you start to work.

And next time I'm called ''specail.'' I will think of Wilson or Chantalle, the horses  I ride, and I think yes I am special on a horse.

So whatever you're doing or going. you might think you're going backwards, but today as I dropped my friend up at the place where she works, as she started work today, at the hospital I was in for 2 weeks. I felt strange sense of peace.
As we walked passed the entrance, I prayed for the people in there.
I did think about going in to visit the nurses, but I felt as though God has closed the doors, and that was a point of me moving on.

So no matter if you're having doors, slightly open, closed, or partly open.

May I just say a word of wisdom, guard whatever you have, with your heart and head.
Because what you have, is very special, like a rare jewel inside of you.

That you are always watched by Jesus not in a creepy way, but in a way that will challenge you, and accept you for who you are.

See when a jeweler finds a precious jewel, he puts it on black velvet so that the lights in his shop, can catch the light of the jewel, and the true worth is seen.

That might be you, you might be on ''show'' all the time, people, children, everything you do, is seen and measured.

It is tiring, to be on show, but if we do it for the right reasons everything is going to plan.
Lots of love
Chloe

Be thankful for the small things.

Hello there my friends.
I hope that you're good.

Today is my last day of work before I have 2 days off.
I am not at the gym this morning, I'm calling it a rest and recovery day.

That, and mopping that dinning hall is a work out it's self.

I laugh at what dad says, ''what did the last slave die of.'' while I watch the boys have their dinner.

Slowly, I'm getting, feed back of what the boys like and don't like.
No more banana cake.

Not that there's nothing wrong with banana cake, they've just requested no more banana cake.

It used to be a weekly thing, but no more banana cake.

The thing is with my job, is that you have to change it up a bit.

And that's the exciting thing about the job.

A while a go, I wrote about Grace, my sponsored child, she's only 4, and 2 young to write letters, but her mum took the time to write.
which made my day as I came home from mopping the floors.

I've been listening to  a speaker, about how we can change the world.

For grace, and her family the cycle of poverty is broken.

In her letter her mum wrote, something really touching, ''may Jesus bless you forever.'' and that's a words of Grace's mother.

It was there and then, I thanked God quietly, that for one family, and for Grace, she will be raised in a good family, of love, that Jesus has hope for her and her family.

So now I'm wanting more kids to sponsor, my friend has 8 children.

I'm wanting another one. but I will listen to God about what to do next.

Jesus said to be thankful in all things, when he healed the 10 leapers, only one came back to thank him.

Thankfulness comes from the heart, and it goes along way.

So have a look at what you have, and look at what you can share.

It is better to give than recieve,

And that's my thoughts for today.

Beautiful thigns in the morning.

Hello friend,
How's life going?
I hope that you're good and happy.

I woke up to a glorious sunrise, and I thought today is a good day to be alive.

That and I'm learning how to plan more effectively in my work, so I'm not there  over to much over time.

And we are salt and light in our, work places.

I'm starting therapy soon, I have my first psychology appointment next friday.

And again I'm learning how to plan, not for plan for the meetings, but a way to move forward.
And it got me thinking about the times we feel like we're stuck in places we don't want to be there for a long time.

Due to Covid 19 there are many people without jobs, and we are expected to have another wave come our way.

This isn't a time to complain about your job, rather thank God for the job we have.

We are called to give an answer to everything we've come our way.

Jesus doesn't ever stop giving out good things to us he is always working for us, even thought we don't feel it.

It's when the times get tough, we look inward on ourselves, and throw a pity party.
And no one is coming.

This was me, for a long time, I was what you call''the fair police'' You might laugh at it, but my parents, had a time of me voicing my opinions, the thing is, they did so much for me, behind the scenes, for my benefit.

And that is Jesus, in our lives, he's working behind the scenes, for our good.

The thing is, we are to busy, to hear from him, and hear what he has to say.

And we get lost.

Jesus is so above our thoughts,  that we have a partnership with him.
Well it's time for me, to go to the gym.
Lots of love
Chloe

June thoughts

Hello there people.
How are you?
I hope that you're going well and good where you are at the moment.
May you continue to thrive, rather than just surviving.

I want to share with you something that has been on my heart, nothing really has changed. I am now planning to go to my friends baby shower in a few weeks time.
I'm am trying, very hard to keep my commitments.
And following through my things. now of course we're human and sometimes, we can't keep the promises we make.

One thing I'm trying not to do is over committing myself, and doing too much.

This not only set one's self for failure, but we can mentally beat ourselves up for the guilt trip.

We also need outlets, and not to store everything up trying to keep a good face, and lid down on situations.

You've seen it happen, in your own life, when you're trying to keep it oh so perfect, to try and keep it from crumbling.

But we do need to crumble to grow, sometimes.

Sometimes we have to stop running, and think that everything is out to get us.
Or like Henny Penny, thought that the sky is well indeed falling  and we need to warn everyone.

We do have our Christian witness, and what is it?
To walk humbly with our lord, and not to go along with the lasted video or thing that has just come out. or latest conspiracy videos.

We are called to have our minds on Christ, not looking to the left or to the right, but straight ahead, with our eyes on him.

A little while ago, I was in the spirit, and I do miss these times when I'm in the spirit of God, and he gave me something, that I do believe all women have.
A special piece of armour.
A breastplate and helmut of Salvation.
I was talking to my aunty who has seen hers in the spirit, and I have seen mine.
And I do believe that the lord has given all of us, special armor that aids us against the enemy.

My challange to you is, if you believe in Christ, that he died for you, and has reserected you, ask his holy spirit, to see what sort of armor you have.

Well it's getting a bit late, and I've got riding tomorrow, first lesson back since lock down, and I'm sleepy.
Lots of love
Chloe