when life is between the cracks.

Hello there,
How are you?
I hope that you're going well.
Today, i was out gardening,getting moss out of the cracks in the concrete flag stones.
and it got me thinking about life, as you're down on your hands and knees, you have quite a bit to think about, getting moss out of cracks. and it gave me the title for todays post.

Life is always changing,  and sometimes in life, we see just the cracks, and not much else. my friend if that's you. simply make a cup of tea and sit back and relax.
Life is always going forward, you might not be in the space now, to hear it, but you will be when the time comes.

It is important in this time in our lives, that we keep the ''weeds'' out, it might be purist thinking. but keeping on top of the weeds, and constantly handing them over to God means, that  you're not fighting it alone.
Life is always good, you might go through times, when life isn't good, people will let you down, you might be excited one day and feeling like rubbish the next, and if you feel like this, it is important to seek help.


If you're in the middle of the tunnel now, and can't see the light of it, please know, that you're not alone, that your friends are in the middle with you.

And if you always see the cracks and not the life, that you have, make good plans to change it.

Plans that give you hope and future, you might need to take a step back, from things, and go ''hang on a minute this  weed is encroaching  on.  what I have.

and it might take time, to get that out, I'm not saying to cut out things that are good, it's important, to have this in our lives, to have good creative ways, to make new conections in our brain.
but be careful of, our commitments.

Extend the good in our lives, not the bad.
like a diet, you don't have pies and chips every day, because that ends up with heart disease, but only for a treat.

in this way you are keeping the weeds from entering in the cracks. be on guard with your life, treat your life well.

If you're not getting anywhere, and you feel like everything is against you, seek help, you can't fix or solve this on your own.

Life is hard, it is incredibly hard.

but it also is good.

Add a bit of soul into your life, so that the crevices in your life, will be like wild flowers, flowering in the spring. plant some seeds and watch it grow.
Chloe

Live out every day like it's worth it.

Hi there,
In recent times, we have had White Island, eruption, in New Zealand, Ohope.

A lot of people have died, is missing and serverly, burned.
It was a dark day for New Zealand.

A lot of people are blaming, the island, the cruise boat company, and possibly the tour operators that take people out to the island.

This people were on holiday enjoying their time, but extreme risks were taken that day the volcano erupted.

1.2 million pieces of skin is needed, to help heal these people.

We are made in the image of God, our father, and he still delights in us, no matter what race we are, or who we are.
Jesus love still loves you so much, that he knows how much pain you are in.

We can't rush grief, we can't hurry it up so we get over it faster, or quicker, it is like a wave in the ocean, out there by St Clair, and if you have seen a wave come, it only forms then crashes on the beach. maybe that's you, and you're ridding that wave of grief.

Maybe you're world has turned upside down, this year, and you're looking forward to the new decade of not being so tramatic.
Jesus loves you, just the way you are, nothing outside of that love is going to change that, there is no barrier with Jesus.
he reaches down to your need.

We have needs every day, no matter how big or small, we work with people who have done there best and their best might not be up you your standard, but it's all that they can do.
Jesus sees our needs, and he knows, what we need at the right time, and place.
It might not be, what we need, and yes people might have met our need in the past, now, and during.
Some people might not have, they might have disappointed us,  made promises to us, causing our heart to break.
But Jesus in the only one who will be there through thick and thin.
We might think that girl might meet our needs, or that drink, or that porn website, or another church, or that family member or that loyal friend. but there comes a point, where we reach the end of the line.
That drink won't satisfy us, or the new girl that you've got, or that website, or that friend, we will constantly let others down.
We try our best not to,  but we will.
We don't know when our days will be up, or change or cut short, the people on white Island didn't know that, they woke up, on the Ovation of the seas, the cruise liner, and probably looked forward to going out on the island.
Some didn't return.
That is why we need to live in the now, and make our lives worth while.
We all go through stages, where we don't know why, or what for.
Perhaps it wasn't in the diary, or planner, but what we do know,  that friends and family, stick closer to you in the hard times, thats where the rubber hits the road.

We need all those important friends around us, that will help us on our journey.
We live in a world constantly, hit by fear, dread, and depression.
All real mental health problems.


I am living with a disability, that shortens life. a mild dose of it, but I'm determined, to accomplish, anything that I put my hand to.

To make an impact on the others around me, and hopefully a good one. and that is why we need to be considerate with others around us, because we don't know when our days will be up, our days are numbered.

We are called not to live with a spirit of fear, but that of a sound mind, and know the lord our God and walk humbly with him.

Those are my thoughts for today.
Chloe

keep fighting the fire.

Hello team.
How are you?
I hope that you're getting, on well with your things.
My thoughts are with the kiwi fire fighters over in Australia, to fight the fires over there.

My thoughts today, are pure and simple.
Fighting the fires, that come our way, we can not stand alone, and fight them ourselves.
Like the firemen that fight fires, the uniform up, with fire protection clothes so that they don't get burnt.
My friend, we might not be like that, we might not face fires in the real world, but we do face the fires in every day life.
getting burnt isn't something that we like. or intended.
 The walls that we build come tumbling down,and trust gets abused.
My thoughts are with the people who have been burnt in the past.

Picking up the pieces, of the scared burnt heart.
 afraid to trust again.
You can trust again my friend, the prince of peace will go the distance with you. your heart will learn to trust again, and the best is yet to come. don't set for mediocre. that's when doubt creeps in, and you're left wondering where you are.

My friend, keep the anchor of faith, it will ground you, and find you.
My friend, if you're facing the fire now, it won't continue to burn, and if your left fighting, it you're not alone, have a band of friends around you so that you can face life together.
and read your bible, a pastor once said, messy life, messy bible, best life, neat bible, neat life, missing much.
Chloe

November thoughts.

Hello there,
How's it all going?
I hope that you're all good, there.
Perhaps you've been out, and enjoying being in town, or with the 2 cruise boats in, you just want to hide.
I think it's great that they are here.
I don't really have a title for this post, mainly because I have been thinking about what God has in store for you.

I want to tell you that you are wanted.

And your not on your own, you don't have to fight to keep being strong, you don't have to tell everyone that you're ''good'' when you're not.
Perhaps you feel like the wheels have fallen off, and you're making 2 steps forward and one step back.

Maybe you're tired of the rat race, and you're wondering if it's all worth it.
It is because we are all called for something bigger, beyond today, tomorrow, infact for all of enternity.

Smile because you can, and there's a bigger plan.
 you don't always have to be bigger, better, rise to the top every time.

Love is what we have and what we share.

We can only be strong for so long.

And sometimes we need to take stock at what we want, and where we want to go, take an inventory, about life.

You don't need to be popular with your frineds, you just need to be there for them, you don't need to have 1000 you just need a few close ones.

I've learnt in my life, that it's ok not to be ok, as my little brother lies sleeping, down stairs, after moving home, he's been away 9 years in a city.
and its in other light bulb moments, we need to come home, and leave the light on for others, who need to be that safe place.

and we need to hear affimation from our dad,s or other people that you are over commers.

encouragers for the road, you can't give, if you wont recieve from others.

Well that's me.
Chloe

Leave the light on in the dark.

How's it all going?
I hope that you're all good, there.
I'm now home, after being in town, and completing a good day.
One of my favourite things to do, is have tea at the art gallery, I have tried 3 teas, and there's 21 and 3 months to try them all before the tea exhibtion closes.
How's life going?
Really how is it?
Are you rushing around, trying to get everything done?
Or are you wondering if there's something more?
What is your heart telling you?
Are you looking down instead of up?
 Are you wondering where are the good days gone?
I'm not hear to tell you, how to live your life.
Only you can do it, and each one is different.
It in those times, in our lives, we find an inner strength.
And we need to be fit, to face them, head on, and really go for it.
It might be a fear deep down, that cause you to stop you frozen in your steps.
It's in that fear, that we hide behind, and from.
It might be things in your work, that aren't right, and you want to be strong, but you're kept from speaking up, for yourself.
It might be in another area, that you are afraid, it's not that you want to be, it just comes out that way.
Why do we hide in the dark?
Its because of the fear of failure.
And trust.
We don't fully love ourselves, because we can't fully trust ourselves to do the things we do.
But if we put that aside, and really look at the ''problem'' what does that look like?
it might be interesting, to really have a look.
To put it under a microscope, and look at the issue.
And leave the light on instead of turning it off.
To ask what went wrong.
You will come out the other side alive.
Looking back, on the other side of my breakdown, I asked my mum while I was day 10 into hospital, if I will come out alive.
it's the truth isn't when we go through things, we wonder if something will eat us up, complete, whole, one big gulp.
My friend if that's you, and your wondering what is the use?
It's time to have some boundries.
Get yourself a good diary, and give people choices, on given days, and plan your days.
This helped me when I was in hospital, I didn't have a planner then, but it's become my second best friend, and I've used it and I've been aware, of days.
Days I can do stuff on, days I work, and days I can help others.'
And it will revolutionlize your life.
Don't over commit and become self inflicted, you will break, and it's only a matter of time.
You might be the most amazing person, at organization, and keeping all the balls up in the air juggling different things,  steering your boat, out of ice berg infested waters, but the damage is done, below the surface.
Don't let steer your ''boat/ life'' into one.
you might trust someone, and have it broken, and you might learn to trust again, but there is one person who you can trust that won't break, and won't let you down, his name is Jesus, don't loose sight of him, hand over the steering to him and let him steer you, out of the ice berg infested water, and leave the light on in the dark.
Chloe

Don't let everying thing to get you.

HI there,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a nice day.
Perhaps you've had a good morning, and you're just sitting down relaxing with a cup of tea in the sunshine.
As I look back on the year, and look forward to next year. I step back, and I think. I do a lot of thinking durring the day, sometimes I do over think.

How many people, do that I wonder?
Have you just stopped, and are you looking after yourself?
Perhaps it's alowing yourself to not get so up tight about things.
Take notice of those small things, because if you don't they will get bigger.

I came home from work, the other day, and my brother sam, said something that I hadn't noticed, and he asked me why do things get to me?
in a carying way?
Why am I so fustrated, at person A, and all the carry on, I thought I left it in the past, but I am still carrying stuff that isn't mine to carry.
so it got me thinking of todays post.

Are you carrying something that isn't suposed to be yours?
Are you wearing ''lost property,'' that wasn't yours to begin with?
What do I mean by that?

I talked things over with someone who I trusted in the hospital sector, the other week, and I have to say, for the first time he told me to slow down!
I keep saying yes to people, and think later.
I'm a go getter, I dont like having heaps of time on my hands, i just feel like if you have a day off, well you should enjoy it, by doing something.
even our holidays had itineraries, call us from the Vontrap family, but not me.
And this very wise person, said to slow down and really think about what you're doing, you don't have to do everything,
I have to say, that is very good advice, I've walked away from a relationship, that was highly needy, and very stressful. I wasn't in a place myself to fix that siutation.
It was making me sick.
And relationships are like that, toxic ones, you can get really wrapped up in it, so much so that person is depending on you to ''get them through''  I had to walk away, I couldn't do it anymore. if the person was going to do it, well there are trained people to help her, I couldn't do anymore than that.
I was wearing lost property that wasn't mine.
And alot of us, can go through life, wearing stuff, that we ''put up with'' because it's all that we have known.
My friend, it's time to shed a few layers. and let yourself be free from all of that.
Yes we have places that we hide, and things that we do, to make sure our ''walls stay up''  and don't let everything get to you, it's ok to not be ok.
Faking it to you make it, doesn't work, it only makes you go on a downwards spiral.
How do I know?
I know I've been there, and it's not the best place to be.

If you asked how I am now, I would say I'm getting better.
And  those small ideas, that you have act on them, and write them down, they are given to you, because no one else has thought of them.

There is always time to, learn new things, don't think for a minute that you are to old, to learn new things, there is always time to pick up new things.
Life always moving forward, I was at the beach before this post, and I was watching the waves come, and they were so clear, and it was early morning and the sunshine was just amazing, on the water, it was only me, waiting for my friends.
just me and the lord, and it was as if on a stormy day like yesterday, the water would have been all rough, but this morning it was smooth, and clear, and it's after the storm and the weather in our life clears up, we can see things for what they are.
Information gets miss understood, and we take it all out of proportion and something so small goes into this big as thing, when did it start?
it started with getting the wrong end of the stick.
Learn this, it's not as bad as it seems, and everything works out in the end.
We also need boundries, for ourselves. we are not a taxi service for our friends.
it's ok to go back and change your mind, if things don't work, or your heart isn't it.
We all have the best intentions, and we try really hard to keep those, but if for whatever reason, we can't we go back on them.
To obey is better than sacrifice,
In my old job, I was sacrifcing, every Christmas, to work, and the shine wore off, and it just wasn't me anymore. so I changed jobs, why?
plain and simple, I wanted better hrs to work part time, and steady hours.
and a christmas off, fair you mind think its crazy, but after working for 6 christmases, fair enough you might say.
and so I picked a supermarket.
Nothing against, my old work place I loved it, but I am getting older, so I thought that it was time for a change. and go with the changes.
you don't always have to be on top of everything, just plodding away is fine.
Some of us are built for plodding and long distance, rather than a  sprinter, short fast, get it done sort of thing.
This I have learnt on my friends horse farm.
she has many horses, to ride for different people, she even has a an ex racer.
my horse that I ride is a plodder, a well schooled horse, that gets the job done. now if I was on James the racer horse,I would think like everything is short sharp and quick,, but james wasn't on the track for long he was built to race, but the track wasn't for him.
you might say, '' but he's a race horse all sport horses are racers or endurance riders'' James got to concerend about the track that he was best out of it.
and sometimes that is us, the ''track'' in our lives, isn't the best one to be on, it's only once we're off the track we grow to be the real person that we are.
That's me for today.
Chloe
.

Ask, seek, and knock.

Hello,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a really nice day.
Today I was at the chinese gardens, as I had to do something there, and we got talking about how tranquil it is, and that half the time we are so busy, running around, forgetting the small things in life.
All it can be, is a simple cup of tea at the gardens.

I might not be working today in the bakery, but it got me thinking about things differently.
How life is so complex, yet it can be so simple.
Maybe it's time for us to take stock of where we are and what has been happening.
How life is always evolving, and how people are so kind, and generous, to us.
sharing with what little they have.
It could be advice, from good friends that you trust, it could be your parents, and lets face it, it's not all over when you turn 18. yes you might be older and wiser, but your parents still love,  you, and they have many a sacrifice to get you there.

This year has been interesting, in so many ways, and I talked to someone today, who said, to me, to slow down.
I'm a girl that doesn't, if there's a course going I'll do it.
I'm in the middle of finding a verifier for my floristry course, here in town.
which is exciting.
I just need to find someone who will tick off the work experiece hours.
Alot of us,have dreams, and we put them aside and carry on, but what about living each and every day, to fulfill those dreams?
We sometimes forget in the long run, about them, if there's no waves on the water, life is good.
and it is, it's very good, we have so much freedom here in our nation, that we take for granted.
While others don't have food in our cities, we find out ways to get food to them.
we can often go through life with blinkers on, and just stick to the small population of one person.
but what about the rest of the people who are just waiting to share your life with?
that little girl, that no one loves?
 or that boy with no lunch at school?
Or that person who is on the street corner, with nothing?
How can we love them?
Do we just give to New Zealand organizations just to get a tax rebate?
Or do we capture the whole, picture?
Love must simply come first.
Because Jesus first loved us,
So what are you doing today that Jesus has called you to love?
to help out, to set that person free?
Ask, Seek, knock.
If you don't ask you will never know, if you look, you will miss opportunities,  if you don't go looking for opuntitines, you will always be knocking on closed doors.
Chloe

Way maker.

Hello how are you?
I hope that your good.
Perhaps you've got a cup of tea, and having a well deserved break.

How's your year going?
How's it ending up?

Has it been tough and hard going? perhaps it's been a really awesome year.

I am looking forward to the new year, and for Christmas, where all of us can be together, Matthew has moved back home, so I'm really super keen to really get to know him better, without him going back to Auckland for work.

But I want to talk to you, about jesus being a way maker.

Even if you really are struggling with something today, maybe your prayers seem to bounce back, raise a Hallelujah, and watch the darkness flee.

Jesus, is there, in the highs and lows of life.

Your wepon is a melody, Jesus, is one, that will be there, no matter what, we all need him.
This year has taught me a lot, a lot of human frailties and how we need each other.

I took my friend out for a coffee yesterday, we talked about being protection, and how we all need it, it then got into relationships, and what our views are.

I hadn't really given it much thought, at 25 years, old I thought I would be married, and have children, and my own place, and my dream would happen, my only thing is, it hasn't happened yet.
I say yet, because I am always full of hope
and I have to say, good men are hard to find. my friends who have found good men well keep them my friends with all your life.
So I did something life changing the other day, I filled out fostering forms, and have decided to be a mentor for a child, and hopefully I am in the system later in life.

There is no point waiting for life to happen, to save it ''up for a rainy day'' because my friends you'll always be saving up.

My life this year, has been interesting, with a ''trip up the hill'' as my friend says, and I like that. I am no longer a slave to my breakdown, I embrace what happened, because it was I Needed I needed my brain re loaded.

At church yesterday, I felt convicted under the holy spirit, to help out, I heard about slavery, and young children under 6 years old making bricks, in Pakistan and my heart just broke, for this kids under the blazing hot sun, trying to meet their quoter each day with no shade.
It was truly heart breaking I MUST HELP.
What happens to the ones before them that get rescued, under such hash conditions?
how can we break the cycle?
we are just a drop in the ocean, and it is a big ocean, but we can always fill it up, and see the need.
we need to get these children, out of these condtions.
Over here children, are free, to run around, and enjoy life. over there they are making bricks, and under a hot sun.
We must help. and show these children, that there is a way, out of the poverty and their plight. that Jesus is their way maker.
Chloe,
,

rice pudding

Hi there,
Hands up if you like rice pudding?
Well today, I am going to say I do.
And I'm going to make it for tonights pudding.
There's something great about rice pudding, I don't know what it is.
The only thing that I don't like is the raisins, just plain vanilla rice pudding with hokey pokey ice cream.
Just give me that, and I'll be a happy girl.

Sometimes life feels like rice pudding.

There's something great about rice pudding, it's sweet but not to sweet.
So lets get into the word of God now, and think about that.
How do we stay on track with God?

We learn from him, and we give everyone our best.
How we see ourselves, is important, because that comes from our work, if we're not putting ourselves out there, in a good way, what does that say about us?
When we go through things that aren't our fault, perhaps others have been mean to you, controlling, can be your real self, because just that, you are afraid that they've seen to much.
Maybe you're in that rice pudding stage, where it seems all lumpy, and thick, and can't make sense of what's going on.
maybe hit to many walls, of solid concrete that you're just wanting to break through.
My friend, if you're left wondering why? where to from here, and tears seem to be your only friend. cry no more, maybe you've cried all your tears they've left to cry. and maybe you're left wondering if, they're your only friend.

In song of songs, it says let the east wind blow on a garden, sometimes we need those east winds again, to blow on us.
we need to see new visions, are you caught up in something that, just has a grip on you?
perhaps it feel like you're suffocating, inside, you don't know it.
Jesus is there, as you cry out to him.

Just sit back and relax and eat rice pudding if you like it, or some other sweet treat.
My friend, we all need to be strong, but if you're not feeling strong because you are in that ''rice pudding'' stage. and your left scared and hurting. and no one came to your defense, because they were blind to it.
Jesus does he sees it, and he knows it's not ok.
You might struggle to see it now, and believe in a God, that is invisible but he knows, it goes on.
how does he know?

nothing suprises him, he can take the anger, he can take it all.
Jesus has you on his team.
and that is good for me.
Chloe

enjoying what you are doing now

At church yesterday, we sang a song from Bethel music. called Way maker.

In it, we sung that Jesus is a way maker, healer, and even though it seems that we don't see him working in our lives, Jesus is constantly on the move.

He hasn't thrown in the towel, just yet, he is always working out things for the best.

And that is why we need to stop and enjoy the now, because we all know that the now, and the present time, isn't going to last forever.

I made inquires about course for next year, some are long distance, and some would mean I'd have to move down south. I haven't prayed about it,but I will.

How many things are you going through right now that you're wondering, if Jesus has stopped working in your life?

It might be a job, in a circumstance, in a friendship.
I had lunch with my best friend Mel and Phil, and her family a few months ago, I asked Katie, about surrendering, and it's sometimes the hardest thing to do, we have to surrender to Jesus every day, and what happens if we dont?

Is our day going to go down the drain? would it be made that much harder?

Is Jesus really like that?

I don't believe so, I don't believe he's out there to make our lives hard.

Because we don't surrender to him. I used to think like this, but that is because I didn't fully believe that Jesus would be happy to take my stuff.

It got me thinking about, about the break down in relationships. why is there so much pain in our world?

why do we do the things we do time and time again?
It's because we find it hard to trust, and why trust in a God we don't see?

Relationships, take work, they really do, nothing is going to come on a silver platter, we need to work with our family and friends.

And if you're not in a good space now, because of the friends that you do have.
 change friends you don't have to keep them just because.

Jesus hung out with the people of the day, he called the 12 who were mostly fishermen, and fishermen, weren't exactly rich.

Jesus had a day job he was a builder and carpenter, he made things with his hands.
My question is, what has God given you, today, this very moment, into your hands, that are just sitting there doing nothing?

It might be a dream goal to work towards, it might be that thing that you've always wanted to do.
Talk to people that are living their dreams, and your dream. Always be on the look out to move forward.
Talk to people who motivate you, and inspire you, if they don't move on, to people who do.
Chloe


,

burn the ships.

Hello, how's it going?
I hope that you're going well.
I've been thinking about, somethings lately.
I hope that you're enjoying the afternoon.
Today, we had my brother around and we played a game of settlers.

Perhaps you're in a cosey corner, with a cup of tea, on a well deserved break.

I want to talk about "burning the ships." you might wonder how did I settle on the name for this post?

Well it comes from, a song from king and country, ''burn the ships.'' in it, they sing about not looking back. and they share the story of a man, and his army, going fourth to explore new land, upon this, the commander of the army, commanding his admirals, to burn the ships very literately so that they could not go back.

You might think that is very drastic, and extreme, and perhaps it is. perhaps you've got things in your life,  and you're on that boat, and you are thinking about ''burning the ships'' perhaps you're making choices that aren't the wisest. perhaps you've got further study to do, and if someone takes that spot, will you regret it?

Hope is always rising.

It might not look like much, but wait a little and watch the flicker your flicker that you've got, and watch it turn into a blaze.

Even if you think you're finished, you're not by a long shot.

It is all easy when life is going well, which is great, we all need life to go well for us, but what about those blue days?
those days when you're reminded that it's not over, that maybe you're optimistic perhaps, and perhaps you've taken a nose dive down?

And you don't know, if you can find your way back up.

As you go deeper down, and you look up and you find that you're drowning, in your need to be loved.

And not just friends on face book or polite conversations. but actual friends, who care.

Is something inside of you begging to be free?
Are you going to burn the ships or keep them close part of your safety go back plan.

Love alone is worth the fight.

what if, that love has gone?
What happens to others who move on, and you've stayed behind because of safety?
Are you afraid of trust?
Are you afraid of getting hurt again?

In my time in hospital, I was greatly aware of the need, of people, who are there to get well, if someone came up to me, now, and said ''Chloe, you're oging to have a break down, it will take a year to get better, you're here for 14 days.'' I'd probably tell you to quickly hop it.

I have help, but everytime I fall down, I fall hard, and reminded of what I've gone through.

I don't want to be reminded of what I've gone through, but sometimes we need to see, it for what it is.

Watching my family go through this, was hard, really hard, because you're away from home, and things are wiped from your mind.
I had to get back fast, I wanted to be on track, and I had simply fallen off them. this wasn't the plan, this was plan z in my plan.

Fortunately, the brain is a sponge, it recovers fast, and you're not locked up for weeks on end.

like the old days.

Thank God for that.

I'm not wanting to glorify of what I've gone through, I've got my own ships to burn.

And out of the ashes, comes the most amazing growing things.
I am still myself to this day,  nothing has changed, but my outlook for others.  I'm more patient now, before I got really impatient I wanted everything now.

I held everything up, I was proud of what others were doing but not me. and I am proud now, about the things I've done.

So I've burnt my ships,along the way, I needed to, I needed to close the doors to the past, I was living in the past.
I'm living in the now, now.
Chloe

Knowing your boundries.

Hello there,
I hope that you're having a nice day.
It's been wet and rainy, here for a week.
I haven't been able to do my horse ridding, or any thing particularly much due to the wet.

Freddy loves being out in the rain, he comes in, all wanting to be hugged, and it's like hugging a wet mop.
he comes in drenched.

We have just got a new mayor, which will be exciting, taking the city forward.

We all need boundaries, we all need to be in a position not to over commit, ourselves, we can easily burn out, and therefor get into a part in life, when we can think of throwing in the towel.

It has become to easy to think that was now, we think because we have the Internet, that life is made more simple, but it can also make us more over committed, to life.

So what do we do if we are stuck in a bind and we think that there's no way forward?

Do we tell people are stuck, or do we find it hard to come to the realisation, that we need a higher purpose in life?

Before my breakdown, I was somewhat unhappy upet all the time, always thinking people are at me, and if they aren't at me, they will be, I was taking far to much on.

My brain got to the point, where it had simply had enough.

What am I like now?

I am content in life, I am free from alot of things that I Needed to step back, and let go, I was holding far to much on.

I was living my life through facebook, and not having real friends.

Sure being is hospital, where things are taken away, I was running around outside looking for any way to escape, i was like a freightend  Mare, just pertried at very thing.

My head was like an uncoiled spring, bound up then suddenly let go.
it wasn't till I faced my fears straight on, that everything will be ok.

And if people judge let them, but don't let people get to you.

sure things get to me, all the time, but they aren't half as bad.

I'm not in control of things now as I once were.

What caused my break down?
No one knows, but only God.

It was the best experience I've ever had,I have a new brain, and a new mind, and that is a promise in the bible, fulfilled to me, by God.

I now have a planner which I use weekly, I am not in contact with people who drain me, and if I want to know how they are going, they are my friends.

Coming out the other side of this I could go about it 2 ways.
I could go down the bitter path, or or I could go down the path, that is new, exciting,  and different.

I am in a percentage, of New Zealanders, that have had one of these things happen, and it was a good breakdown, it wasn't scary, it was a reverlation from God, that I was going to be ok, right through it.

Others, find it hard to ajust to things, even keeping appointments, keep doing the same things, I had 2 weeks off the gym ( my down stage,) which the doctors said I would go through, it might be a year, but it was only 2 weeks, which I'm so thankful to God.

Some people, have terrible psychotic breakdowns. ( which is what I had.)
My one was a blessing, I was able to see what it was come to terms with it, not be upset, but be free.

My parents have learnt to trust me, which is hard for them, that it won't happen again.
 will it happen again?
 who knows but only God.

So if you're in a place, or space, where you're wondering where are you at the moment, if every little thing ticks you off, if you're crying more often, but don't know what my friend, if life is a bit to much, seek help.
easy to say, now, harder to do back then, I wasn't in a good space truthfully.
but I am now, I so am now.
Chloe

October thoughts.

HI there team,
How's it all going?
I hope that you're going well.
The rain has stopped,  making the air smelling lovely and sweet.

I was reading a story, that my brother Matt wrote about refugees, and the change it has taken from 30 years back.

It was inspring, and thought provoking, I have posted it on my facebook page.

And as I was waiting at the road works, today, it was thinking about my own life, as I was making my porridge. I have 2 brothers, and they have both traveled the world, and lived in different places.
I've always stuck close to home, moving away sometimes to follow some study.

We are all different to each other, Sam is very much into business, and runs a very successful gym. Matt is a journalist for Stuff.co.nz in the head office there.

And here is me, working as a baker, and enjoying my days off, filling it up with meeting people, and horse ridding.

My thoughts today, aren't based on anything particularly, just that it is important to take stock of what you're doing and where you're heading.

Making good, out of life, and taking a step back, and knowing that people are going to always be there for you, no matter what or where.

I do want to talk about something though, and that is, upon my scrolling on my facebook page, it is important to be careful about what we post, or put up, whatwe put into each other is what we put out,into others, not just what we use, or how we use it, but just be careful, because people do judge, and if they keep seeing the same things up, well what does that make you out to be?

If you're always talking about Sex, or ending life, or extremes, or whatever, you're putting yourself out to be extremely vulnerable, and we're born to connect, not just face to face, but through other ways, and if we're just hanging out for this or that, thinking it will ''satisfy, the thing, we're after, well does it really do that?"

Recently I had enough of something, and I just blocked this person, because I wasn't in the cappastiy to help, or was I called to be a rebounding board, and this went on for 4 years.

I was a mental wreck, I was so worn out, I just was at a loss everytime, I'd see this person, and in the end I had to walk away, and just get on with my own life.

You might think ''how selfish,'' you just can't do that.

My friend, we have times when we acutally have to do that, because it's not what God has called us to do, to be like basketball rebounding boards always taking knocks for the person.

But being kind, isn't always going to help that person, it might just be taking a step back, and that way it is being kind, Grace that is only from God to help and heal them, Us by ourselves can't do that.
We can't mentally, phsically, give that person, what they need.

They need to be in a space themselves, that triggers, a light. and in the mean time they are in the dark.

We're not suposed to be living in the dark, if you think about your own day, what does it consists of?

My day goes like this:

I wake up, and look at my planner, and go to the gym ( if it's tuesdays, I meet up with my sister in law,) and we have coffee, after the gym.
It is also horse ridding day, if the weather is nice, it's also time to meet up with mum and keep my commitments to her.

so most days I go to the gym, to work out, both mentally and pyshinly, I don't commit to things I can't commit to.


So Monday to Wednesday, nothing really changes, thursday friday, saturday I work at the bakery, and get paid for my job, I complete the jobs I've done and church on Sundays.
Again very careful of what I commit myself to do.

I go out and see my friends, sometimes, but again I'm not obliged to help or see them if I don't want to.

In this day in age, we have a mentallity, that we must always be there here and everywhere, and must be in other peoples lives.

No we don't.

It's only because if that person opens up themselves that we riducule them, and we in turn open our own selves up to do so.

I have learnt this the hard way, and it hurts, because i have trusted them, and have used it to ''better, themselves'' that is why I enjoy my horse work, because horses, go on so much, on engery, trust, they pick up what you're going through.

They will react to what you're reacting to.
Those are my thoughts for today.
Chloe

LIfe's lessons of horses.

Hello there,
Welcome to my blog.
I hope that you're enjoying your day, with a nice cup of tea, ( which solves many a thing.)

I was thinking the other day, of just stopping and pausing, and how sometimes we forget to take a breath and enjoy the moment.

I was out recently with my new sister in law, ( the lovely Jenna,  my oldest brothers wife.) and how she's part of the family now, I've waited a long time to have a sister, so I'm thrilled that Jenna is part of the family.
As I was waiting for her in a coffee shop here, in the octagon, I suddenly realised, that I haven't paused and enjoyed the moment in life.
I've been contantsly on the move, and just pausing and waiting is quite a gift and enjoying it, it was if Jesus just wanted me at his feet, looking down on me, going ''just stop for a moment, can you just stop and not rush around?" and that is what I was doing.

After my breakdown, I had to get a exit plan going on, and I can't tell you, when I was in that hospital, I was running around like a frighten mare, looking for anyway to escape. and when the professor, came to me, going you can go on monday, I wrote in my book '' monday release day.'' I had to do that to get my mind, in the right place.

I haven't done much of things I had planned to do, but one thing I've done, is taking up horse ridding lessons. I've always wanted to go horse ridding, and be good at it, since we have horse people in our family.
My great grandfather on my mother side was an excellent horse man, and my grandfather rode a horse to school,  and tied it up and rode him back, afterwards.

Horses are heard animals, once they accept you, you're part of the herd.

I  had to learn this, not just ''come here horsey, I have an apple for you.'' sort of thing. they have to communicate with you, through their body language, and series of snorts, and whinnies.

I was out on my friends horse farm, and watched the trot away on a river trec.

the wind was blowing their trees about, and the sun was out, and I thought ''this is the life''  and then there's James.
A through bred horse. who needs more food, than the rest because of weight gain, much like the protein shakes, that you drink after a work out to build muscle.

James wasn't for the track, he would panic, and he just simply would not race.
he would be beside himself, with panic attacks.
That is until, my friend got him, and put him in her school, to be a schooled horse.
It took a little while, for James to calm down, and take a saddle, and be part of the herd.

And that is where Jesus wanted me, perhaps you're reading this thinking ''yep I'm like James.'' of course your not a horse, but maybe you think that things have passed by you, you thought, thing would go this way or that way.
and you're not bred to race.
Maybe you're on a different track, from the one that Jesus wanted you on, and it's taken a while to get back, to where he wanted you, a sort of ''breaking in.''
thing going on.

We all need breaking in, it's part of his will for our lives, we can't bolt ahead, and think we're doing fine, when we're not.


To break in a horse, you need to be consistent, it's repetitive work.
not that I've done it, but the horse gradually becomes part of you. and bends to your will, but you also have to treat it nicely, and you have to daily put them to work, or else behavioural problems arrise.

They have to have paddock mates, so that they don't become bored, you have to do your part to look after a horse, you can't just neglect it.

Jesus is the only way, you can't have life and live how you want to live, if you don't have his will for your life.

You need to be broken into the ''holy spirit.'' and be under his will.

It may take a while, but the more you spend with him, the more you get out of live and live it to abundance.

Jesus wants you to live life to the full.

I was in my room the other day, just sulking, I was telling him, what was what.

To the point I was so unhappy, that I made up my mind not to go to the friends wedding, because of work, and that others are just '' giving everthing a go, and everything works out with them, but not for me.'' I was like a bolted horse.
running around, and in my suborness I was sinning. but yet, I was trying to be a good Christian.

And that is when Jesus came to me, and said ''Chloe you are sinning by trying to be good all the time, and I know the pefect plans, I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a furture, don't forget that.'' that instatly stopped my sulking, and I pulled up my socks, put my big girls undies back on, hitched them even higher, and worked harder, because Jesus has a perfect plan for you and for me.

I couldn't let down my friend now, because of well just feeling sorry for myself, wasn't an option, and big girls don't sulk, they cry sometimes, but they don't sulk.

Taking a step back, and looking at the behavior of horses, and to me, horses take a step back, and they think about what the human is asking them to do.
If it's good, they will do it, but treat a horse badly, they will remember.




And remember that Jesus is looking down on you too.

In your righteous do not sin.



That is me, and what I have been learning about today.

Chloe



,

Branded with God.

Hello there,

How's your day going?
I hope that you're having  a nice one.
I was out horse ridding, and as we warmed up the horse, it is important, to do so, before you hop on board, because it's just kinder on them to get them all warmed up.
It came across my mind,  as I watched this amazing paint bred horse warm up, always listening to the next command.
it was amazing to bring him in, from trotting, how we need to be in step with the holy Spirit.
''Trotting'' in step with him.
Sometimes we go around so down, and out, and ''All about me, what about me, no one cares.'' they do care, but you have to think about the other person.
You can't go through life with blinkers on, we all know that Life doesn't work like that.
Life can be unfair, it can be cruel, 99% of the time it is.
You're not always going to win.
With my horse work, I'm so proud of how far we've come, I really am.
If I go and let the horse just go where he wants, and do what he wants while he's with me, I'm showing him, he's the boss.
We both need boundaries, both for him and for me.
And horses respect that, you ask them to back up they do back up, the come forward on command, because you've asked them.
Sometimes in our lives, we get to a point where we ask God, lord if only you work in this area, not in that area, we are taking control, and we starve the holy spririt in our lives.

We treat the holy spirit like a horse on a lunge rope, only go so far and that is it.
Eventually, he doesn't work, and the holy spirit goes away, and we're left why we are suffering, in this way or that way.

Because we have limited the holy spirit, and therefore limited God in our lives.

Chloe

Finished living with Anger.

Hello there,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a nice day.

Today I  want to talk, about anger.
You've got it.
Anger, and bitterness.
Because we all have it, it came in when plan B came in from the garden of Eden.
We can read all the books under the sun, about anger.
Anger is a very real emotion that we have, we can be angry in a right way.
In righteous anger, we have times in our lives, that sometimes it beats us.
It wraps it's fingers around us and strangles us in bitterness.
You might not help it, it might just be there.
Sadly it in our family, to the point, where my dad would just get angry, and close the door and drive off, just because he didn't get his way.
He still loves us, but that anger was modeled down to him by his Dad.
It hasn't got to my brothers, but it has come to me.
To the point I can break stuff, which is sad, because someone has pushed my buttons.

I hate anger, I hate bitterness, many times I've prayed that the Lord has taken that away, and will one day come and rescue me out of the pit of anger.

I was angry, at a family member today, because the person didn't check, with if that was ok go and do it, and just done it anyway.
I was mad, man I was angry, I was angry, I was really angry, I slammed down, stuff, I closed doors, I really made a point of God, hearing me, because I was just angry.
Because this person thought it was fit to carry this thing out.
I was bitter, I was trying to do it right, and then this person came in, while I was getting on, with my day, and she came in and said "Oh I've done this.''
without thinking just did it, because it was under the care of love.
It might have been love, but to tell you the truth I was just angry, I just couldn't pray in the spirit, I couldn't see the spirit anymore, this anger was thick and it was crouching to destroy me.
It was my thing,  as much as I could see it was under control.
Now it was out of my control and into the health professionals.


See when you have something that rocks you, to your core, and you are wodnering, lord what am I going to do?
Perhaps move away from this situation, right out of it, would that be a good idea, different churches, lord?
When you wrestle, in the spirit, you really fight.

And the lord just reached down, and said ''you're angry, because you heard my voice, and now, you feel out of control. and you're angry, because it was my voice, and someone has taken that, and went to the health professionals, and you're angry, because it was under control, and now you feel like you're not, and your angry at your mum so now you've broken something  to make her know that you're angry.''
My answer was yes,
The thing is or was depending on how you see anger, was that 99% of the time the person who has made you angry, doesn't really know that you're angry.

Bitterness comes creeping in, like a toxin.

Something in my animal care days which I loved, was first aid, and if you administer first aid quickly you can save the situation, but if left, toxins can build up and can kill the animal.
That can happen, for us the toxins in bitterness, can last days, months, years.
if left, it can turn gangrene, and eventually we die inside.

How can we get better with this?

Learn to let go, you might think, ''if I let go, people will see all the cracks.''

What does letting go mean for me?

Giving it over to Christ, surrendering him every day.

We need to do that, because, the holy spirit came, and is our helper.

How do we know it was the lord and not my own voice or how do we know it was him?
We know it was him, because he knows our hearts, and he totally gets it.
He understands, us down to a tee.

Friends, you might be feeling lonely, it might complicated circumstances, it might just be hard to keep the faith, and the work of the lord is in you. you might be dry, you might be doing the mundane things.
However in those mundane things, the lord is there, you know he shows us how to serve, because he first served us.

I have a friend Steven, who when I heard in my brokenness was councilor from BTI, was OH  good, I need him.
He is also a caregiver, to a young man, I love caregivers, Steven never complains, never lets anything down, while he does house work, cooks, cleans, irons, takes him to appointments, and things, also lives with this man, and took him on his first air plane overseas, to Bali, and also holidayed with him.
He has the father heart of God,  because he knew how special it would be for Taylor to go on an air plane.

So they saved up, Steven brought tickets and took him over there.
Now if you met Steven, he probably would tell you, it wasn't anything special.
He would just sit and listen, and just silently pray.

We are God's workmanship, that is how we combat bitterness, and anger.

We all need Jesus, each and every single on of us,

It might be being a care giver, to people, who need us, rolling up your sleeves, and  being that person, we all need action in our lives.
And prayers, watching and waiting for people to come and release goodness into their lives.

And we need, prophetic words and people. to build up, people and band together, for break through.

My friend it isn't worth getting angry over small things,  I can't tell you, enough, how much anger breaks down a family.

Anger comes in and breaks a family down, relationships break down because of anger, and we can do without it.

And that is, earnest love, and care from the father, totally understands us. even if looks like nobody does.

Friend, you and I know, that it's painful,  living in anger, it's tiring, it's exhausting, you might think it's not there.


If you are really angry, just because, someone has pushed your buttons today.

Don't let it, it's not worth the withdrawal, from your emotional account.

Lets pray.

"Dear Lord,
I bring you these people who have lived, along time in their anger, and perhaps Lord, we come to you, we lift our hands up, and we come, to you and we ask you to take, this anger, and let you deal with it  we ask dear lord to reach down in your amazing grace, and be gentle and kind to you children.
We are broken, but lord we know the person,who can heal, restore, and be made clean, lord call us to be repentant, and be sorry, not to rebel in our anger.''
Amen.

Having our minds on enternity.

Hello there,
I hope that you're having a nice day.
Today I want to talk to you, about having our minds on eternity.
I was talking about  being out yesterday, and trying to make it on my own.
I realized that I needed to see new friends, not to loose the ones I've got but there's nothing wrong, but we need to get out of our friendship groups, and look around and open our eyes, and just be with Jesus.
I was talking with Jesus this morning, and he gave me a new dream, something new and exciting.
I woke up this morning like what was that? you know when all of sudden there's those light bulb moments, when it goes on?
I was listening to, a speaker from bethel, church, about, anxiety.
And he gave on the screen, a great analogy, of a balloon, each time, we do something good another puff of air goes into the balloon, until it pops.
Some of us need, our balloons popped, and of us needs more air in our balloons.

We need our minds on eternity, because if we are just living for the next moment, or the next thing to buy, what are we living for?
Just for the next ''good feeling''.
My question to you, is.
''Where is your head at or in?"
If it's not on God, we don't go to church just because we think we should go, we go because we are called to worship.
Worship, brings us closer together in spirit, in encourages us up in the spirit, it sets us free from condemnation.
Worship, means, others will know the lord, you know when you've been in the word, of God, you're just sitting in the word of God.
Its seems like you're a super hero, you get a feeling that you can pray for break through.
Every break through is, different, we need to stand up not stand down for God. What is our heart set on?
Do we just wear our Christian badges on the inside or the outside with God.
How does that play out for you?
What, is it?
If you haven't got a dream or you don't know where you head is, Jesus, is there you know.
He's there with his arms, wide open to welcome you in, Jesus, is there in your pain he's there when you don't have much to offer, perhaps you're left on your knees, with no point or you don't see a point to praise God in the storm.
I'm hungry for more of Jesus.
How blessed are we, being vessels of him?
We aren't just raised to life, we have life in us, all the time.
It's up to you, and me, to live for Jesus.
Chloe

knowing your limits.

Good evening.
I hope that you're having a nice, evening.
Today I want to talk to you, about limits.
I was out with a friend, today and it got me thinking when i out, why am I doing all this stuff, my friend wasn't really thankful.

I hadn't seen this person for a while, so I decided to make a time of it, but then I heard the holy spirit, saying ''did you ask for me help or my advice? why are you doing all this for her?" because lord it's been a long time since I last,  was with her.

See the lord knows, the plans, and his plans are always good and right, and proper, and he knows what is best for us.

I wanted my friends approval, today, of hot chocolate, and hot chips. without out a thanks.
I don't do things for thanks or gratitiude.
 I do them because I care.

The lord knows your heart, and if he said to do it, it is good, but if not well we're just doing it for self gratidude, and self worth.

Not really, going anywhere.

Maybe that's you, feeling like you're not going anywhere particularly fast.

It takes time, to grow character, and love.
Plant seeds in good soil and you will get a good harvest.
Chloe

Keeping the faith

Hi there,
How's it all going?

I went to church this morning, and this mornings sermon was about God doing something new, in our lives.

Isn't Jesus doing something new in our lives every day?
Isn't he there, constantly, when  we fall down?
Ready to save the day?
What if we're just feeling a bit off?
What if we don't have the answers?
Are we supposed to have answers, to everything?
No not everything.
Why then do we struggle?
It in the struggle, that we are being made new.

I was talking to a mother that, had a daughter go through a breakdown, and you just don't' want to think about being admitted, because you think, '' But I'm not one of those people'' I'm not, that person, going to hospital.
Naive as it sounds, that is what we both thought.
I told the doctor, that I've had a long day and I want to go back to my own mattress. to me being admitted, it just, felt like a life sentence.
I even asked mum and I would come out alive.
The brain is amazing thing, and that is why we need to be respectful of our, bodies, and the things we put in it.

You might think there's so much need, and so much needs to be done.
Yes that's right, and good thing that we are part of a team, and hasn't left us to our own devices.

Why when we were younger thought that, our parents knew everything?
We had to much respect for them, because you dad knew how to do stuff.

It's not until we get older that we find somethings, for ourselves.

We honor, them, we look up to them.

Because they know us best, and has the best of our interests at heart.

That might anoy you or it might be pleasant to read.

God only knows, what you've been through, and he knows that you will make it out the other side.

If you're here, because, you've tried everything, you believe everyone with your eyes wide open, you did what people told you to do, but it's still never enough.

Perhaps, you've had a bad day, and you're just waiting for it to be over, perhaps you think that it's been a series of bad days, and you can, wait for them to be over.
 perhaps you're reminding the broken people that it will be ok, but broken yourself.
there's love

Perhaps, you thought ''if only they knew'' but people don't know or didn't believe you.

There is love, and hope.

Perhaps you think shutting out, the door, will be your only way, to close out the others that care.
Don't close the door, on them.

My friend lost his little boy at 6 weeks, of age, and I asked what it was like.

He was very real, and said that he was angry, because someone so incoent was taken away.

More to the point he was angry, when people said, he was in heaven.
sure he is, but not a birthday goes by or a day goes by, that he probably wants him back down, he'd do anything to, see him again.

My friend if you're that person, who has reached the end of your rope and you feel like you're swinging on it.
It's ok, because, it's fun to swing.
so just keep holding on just for one more day, and the Lord will bring you through another dark lonely night.

You know those really dark nights, that you think it's dark then it's really dark, where you feel like you can't see your hand in the dark.
How dark was your darkest time?

I don't need to know, but I want you to know this.

There's no crevice that God doesn't know about.

God is always there, he's not surprised, others might be, but you're believing in a God, that hung out with the wrong crowd when he was down here on earth, he made a point of it.
I think as Christians, we don't talk about struggles, because we should be seen as perfect. about giving, how much money we should give, what to believe, how to pray, what to do when the rubber hits the road.

Are we just on the bench with this Christian life or are we rolling up our sleeves and really living it?


Jesus didn't come for the believers, he came for the people who needed him.

We might not have the answers, but we do have faith, and that faith is real.
It might be a flicker, of a flame, but with that flicker, we can do amazing things.
Jesus is there, if dark clouds come and hide the sun.

All we need to do, is call out his name, and believe.

Nothing complicated, no master 5 steps, just believe.

When we're in that sea, of anger,  or deep darkest nights where we're drowning in loneliness. or depression so dark, that you just can't believe.

Take Jesus hand, and believe.
When he died, on the cross, he was unrecognizable he also died for that situation that you're currently in.
Jesus loves you so much, that  he made a place so perfect, that he knew the pain we suffer. that he made a place without pain.

If you're left wondering what is the point of all this.
It's because, there is a point to all this madness, and that is, we have a Saviour, a present being, to guide us through our stormy days.

That is why we need to anchor on him. and trust him without out trust, we're  drifting through life with no anchor, and we  are just hoping, that we hit something hard  to steady ourselves.

Surrendering our fight, to jesus and let him fight for us, because will never be wary of it, and he always wins.

I asked my friend, one day when the battles that she had to face, and I asked what made her strong to face them.
she said surrendering each and every single one of them.

It seemed to easy, surely she had some magic 9 steps or something, but no.

each and every single day she was open to the lord, and what he was doing in that family.
why?
Because she was faithful.

See when we reach out to the lord, he reaches us first.
he doesn't hesitate.
May Jesus bless you and keep you and continue to shine down upon you and set you free from what you are going through today.

Chloe

,

Asking for wisdom.

Hello there folks.
How's your day going?
Today from the Cove there is cloud over the city, not low cloud, but it has cooled down a bit.
A boat is about to sail out, and is finished unloading,fertilizer of some description, the tugs have arrived to take it out.
Interestingly enough the boat is called ''Wisdom line'' and that is my topic for today.
Where do you get your wisdom from? Or how do you make your choices from day to day?
When I had my breakdown, I made sure that it wasn't going to ''beat me'' and get the better of me.
Hard to do some days, yes I was mentally tired, and physically tired, because of it, I couldn't get enough head rest during the day.
However, as the months went on, 4 months in, I am back to normal.
I am picking with what I do now, I used to tear down, others, thinking that I was funny, I used to enjoy doing it.
Not now, I don't do it I ask for wisdom.
If you need to seek help do it,and not think you don't need it or that is for sissys. Take small steps to, get your freedom, and you will recieve freedom.
Your parents and friends have the best interests at heart.
However I say that with caution.
Because if you're vulnerable and people like to gossip they will use  and or can your vulnerability, ask for some nice friends, as well or get in contact with people, who are there for you, like really there for you, not just wanting or waiting to pounce.
There are just some lessons I have learned  over the years.
And pray, pray hard, that the Holy Spirit, will come into your life and set you free of the things, that you need set free from.

My friend if you're in that space, where you think nothing, is going to come down, and reach you, in that small dark crevice, where you might have thought you'd slip a bit to far, you haven't.
There is always help out there, please do not suffer alone.
Chloe

September thoughts.

Hi there,
How's life going?
Today is, the 1st of September. 1st day of many days.
For me, it's a reminder that winter is over, and spring is coming, and with that, everything starts to grow.
Perhaps you're own life has been like it's survived winter, and it's coming, to it's own growth.
Perhaps it's coming to the realization, that you can make it own your own, and you're off on your own trek to see where life goes.
Mine has been here, looking over the water, and marveling at not my own win in life, but for others.
If life has hit you hard, perhaps it's not all that you'd think it was.
Hold onto hope, because everything is worth it in the end.
Don't be afraid to seek the truth because it will set you free.

I write because I love writing, I could write all day, but I can't I have to make a living, and that at the moment for me is, at a supermarket bakery.
Which I'm happy about.

Today is fathers day, not a public holiday, but a day we say thanks to our fathers.
Or for those people who are father figures in our lives.
I'm thankful to my own dad, because without his share hard work, we wouldn't have a beauitful house looking over the water, and brining me up in the right decipline.
respecting men, respecting my brothers, who will in turn be fathers themselves.
For my friends on facebook, who are men, because we girls need good men in our lives, to honour and respect.
My life is an open book, but it's also sacred, I don't open up easily to ''whoever comes along.''
I am careful.

In our family we have no secrets, sure I've had a few, but I have to tell my parents everything, I don't sneak around, my soul is too expensive to do that.

Sure I've struggled with human thoughts, I am human, I am just the same as you, with no super powers.
Have a I struggled? yes I have.
I've struggled with a dad who doesn't say where he's going, I've struggled many times trying, to see the father heart of God when for many years, my home life hasn't been flash, behind closed doors.
I've struggled with a friend with suicide, that I can't do any more apart from pray now.
If you're wondering if all your pieces will fall into place, they will, your day will come, when you don't need to struggle anymore, you don't have to continually fight.
Because; A you will get tired to keep being strong in the fight.
And B, we weren't designed, to carry more than we can carry.
So sit back, and watch all the pieces of the puzzle, still fall into place,
That's me for now.

Chloe

come to the fountain.

I was at work today, I am surrounded by really helpful people.
Everyone helps each other out, I Love it.

We got talking about washing, and the habits, I am in.
You know the clothes, that aren't dirty, but you don't want to put them away, well I asked my friend if she does this, and she does.
We rewash them.

This got me thinking about the cycles that we face, some of us, have "washing'' to sort out.
So I got home from work, and I stopped myself, doing this habit.
Then I went out and visited my friends horses and I loved it.

Sometimes we think we need to have it all together, before we come to Christ, or our friends, or loved ones, and are too afraid to show the cracks. So we put on all sorts of masks and hats, to wear, because you believe that it works.

It does for a while, but as you wear these ''outfits'' you get so accustomed, to it, that you can't really go with out.
You might have one, mask, one fancy mask to wear on ''good occasions'' and you just think it's fine to go about doing this.

What if you get tired from wearing it?
 What if, the masks are addiction?
what if, they are secrets, because you believe, that you won't survive if you do this?

I am not blaming you, I have my masks, but as I get older, I've hoped for things, things and haven't got them.
I watched while my friends get them.

For Christians, you get told '' you just need more faith, you need this, you need that?

What if it's a bad day?  we can all have bad days.
It' normal part of life, but it's when we see a pattern of bad days, that, spiral us down ward.
Or circumstances.
I've had some of those, quite an unhealthy doseage, but we all get them , because we are human beings, it's to be expected. please don't struggle alone if you're just plain tired of life.

There are no quick fixes, steps, to not fail at life.
You haven't failed, you're not a failure, your a winner.
You might think you don't know me, or what I've gone through.
that is true I don't.
But I do know that, the masks, the ''outfits'' that we wear, gradually wear thin and out, and we can not trust in them.
They don't work.

We all face giants in our lives, for me, it was trusting myself, after a pretty server breakdown.
Some days, I think back to what set it off, my parents, were wondering, where, the wheels came off.

I'm still on my high, and won't probably ''come down'' for a while.
I might never come down.
I am totally fine now, I've made some life choices, to make me return to normal.
We all face unbelief in our lives, just how far we go, till it's dangerous. thinking that we're on a bungee cord, and we can just bounce back, to normal.
I wasn't on that bungee cord, I was in it, with me, on the other end, having my ankles around this breakdown.

The stigma, around it, is still there.
In my life, I've come to the conclusion, that you can't ''fake it to you make it'' that won't work.
So my friends, come to your fountain, no matter what it is.
Come to the grittiness, that life is hard, it's what we do that either helps our hinder ourselves.

Please don't go down any dangerous paths, that you regret later in life.
That's me for today.
Chloe

Calling hope back into your life.

Hi there.
How's it all going?
Last night, at church, the pastor, spoke, about calling hope into your life.
A little while, ago, my friend gave me a Christmas decoration it is red, steal.
"hope'' so I have it hanging up in my room and I sleep under it every night.
We all need hope in our lives, without hope, we would be utterly be in hopeless situations. where we have no way out.

Even in my elevated high state still after my breakdown, it's been 2 months now. I asked my friend, if I'll ever come down, I don't think I'll have my down stage.
and that is good.

I did burn everything that, had ties to my past, situation, and I'm feeling, so much freer.  Sometimes in life we need to ''burn our ships'' and start new paths, and that new path is exciting.

We hold onto our dead valley bones for along time, while they are dead, we strive to keep them alive.

We often think we might need them, to fall back on as a secure safety blanket.
We might have one, we might have several of these blankets, because we don't like throwing things out, so we keep them.
We are always changing, but Jesus never does.

He is the constant person that will be there right through our lives.
We all need hope into our lives, no matter if you agree or disagree, we all need something stable in our lives.
And that is hope.

No matter, what your doing, right now, be it good or bad, in the valleys of  everything that you're facing, and you're wondering where the light has gone, or the good times have gone. No matter what you're doing, right now.
Call hope back into your life.

To give you a picture,  we have  men building a fantastic rock wall stabilizing, the wall making way for a fantastic rock wall.
There's a life line, there just in case  they need it.
Now your '' life line'' might just be family or friends,  or Jesus.
I want to talk about mental awareness, and I lost a friend, to suicide  I miss her very much. but when I had my break down, the Lord, gave me one  chance to see her in heaven.

I was praying and praying I'd see Rose again, and I saw her.
I knew, that even though she had gone too soon, I knew from then on, to tell people who have lost loved ones, that people who go too soon, who believe in God, yeah they are up there.

My spirit, left my body, and instantly, we recognized,  each other.
No matter what sort of live you're living, it's never to late, to call out to hope. It will always answer you, and it will come running.
It will be a life line, to save you from the brink of what seems hopeless situations, it  will be your answer.

I just loved yesterday,  I spent it with my friend Mel, and her family, these people, are true gems. They are so strong, in their faith, that everything works, out for good. you might not see it now, you might be so blinded by what you're going through, you probably can't even see it.
but, you'll find hope, in your situation.
We do need to cry, we need to let it all out, we need, to need to show our hurt sometimes. it's human.
We do need to speak up, if things aren't right, or good in our lives.
If we see patterns, in our lives, that aren't good, that is why we need to, deal with them, and see the right people, so that we can live a life of freedom.
What does that look like to me?
Be careful, of what we let our eyes see.
To be pure, in our work places.
And to do it with all our hearts, as if we're working for someone higher.
That we are the person, of hope in our work places.
Chloe

You're one of a kind.

Hi there.
As I type this the sun is shining down on, the water, it's a perfectly, late winters day.
Everything is going well.
Today I spent time with my bestie, Melanie and her family.
It was so special,  along with her mother, who cooked amazing food for lunch today.
As I related to them about what I've gone through, and how God is healing me.
I am convinced, that I am back to my new normal self.
I love life, love where I'm going, and I'm growing through life, not groaning through it.
I Love my job, and I love being a part time baker, that means, time to enjoy the garden, and things that are worth while enjoying.
My breakdown, I'm not going to lie about it, was probably the most amazing thing, most people who have had breakdowns, if they are psychotic, ones like mine, take a while to come right.
Psychotic breakdowns, are interesting, because you don't plan them, they come right out of the blue.
For me, I was doing well at my course, there were ''no signs.'' leading up to it.
I can't really say when the wheels came off, but my parents probably could tell you.
The lord has blessed my life, with a good life, not one for harm, althrough if I wasn't a christian, I could harm myself if I wasn't careful.
Normanly if someone has a episode they would experice mental abuse to themselves, or sinsations, that I had, but they would be demonic.
I fully believe that, so did God, give me this break down for a reason?
Yes, I believe he did.Does he need to prove anything?
No, he's just here in my life, because I need him.Jesus is a faithful friend, that will never leave you or forget about you.
When I had my breakdown, I saw angels marching up and down our road, in my garden, in my room, in my hospital room I do believe I did see Michael and Gabrielle the angels protecting me.
Did I want to be admitted to the hospital?
No, I wanted to go home, and sleep in my own bed, the day it happend.
But I had to go through the system, because I beleive the Lord gave me that breakdown, for a reason, that is, that we need to be careful on ourselves.
I wasn't, I was working with no breaks at my job, I was living in 2 cities, working a lot, in an environment, that is tough, like really tough, probably should really be a chef, but I'm interested in food, and more of a baker.
I was trapped, in a very gossipy, place.
I was probably there way too long, and because it was work, and I had done it year after year, I was used to it.
I was used to saying yes, all the time, and this year, this year, is the first christmas I'll have off, in 6 seasons.
and birthday, and new year, all those stat days.
As the supermarket is closed.
I value that, and people want to go to work there.

So no matter what you've got out of your day today, no matter how what you're going through now, be it good or bad, or just adverage.
it's ok to take it all. Because you know, you're one of kind.

Lots of love
Chloe

August thoughts.

Hello there,
How's it all going?
I hope that you're having a really nice day.
The sun is shinning down today, the wind is trying, to blow.
I think we're in for some rough weather again.
Nothing much has happened from the last time, I wrote.
I'm making marmalade,in honor of Paddington bear.
One of my great childhood, memories. was his love for Marmalade.
Yesterday a friend and I went out to see the Magnolas, at the gardens, they are out and flowering.
It was a special time really, to see them flower, they are such beautiful trees.
I haven't got a topic to talk about today, just some random thoughts.
Yesterday I spoke about nothing is ever wasted in life, today I want to plan ahead, knowing,where you're going is important, so that you don't stay stagnant.
it's so easy to throw in the towel, and admit defeat, but don't because you're standing for a miracle, your positioning yourself for a miracle.
We have road works going down at the bottom of our road, they are building a rock wall, and putting in a foot path. now what would happen if all of sudden, the men don't turn up to work one day?
The fact is, that our city would have a half completed project, and our road would not be safe.
That is why we need to keep on going, when the going gets really tough.
Keep plodding ahead, and just do the job that is required.
If the lord is asking you to do something do it.
Do it with all your might and strength and everything that you have, because he has asked you to do so.
Bake like you've never baked before, do the job like you're doing it  with all you have. Think of someone that you love so much, and would do anything for, keep that person in your mind, then, boom, work while keeping that person in your mind. do it so jolly well you're setting an example for others.
Chloe

Nothing is wasted.

Hi there,
How are you?
I hope that you're having a really awesome day.

Today as I opened the curtains, I looked out on the window out on my pocked sized handkerchief.

My spring bulbs are coming up, and I noticed, lichen on my flowering chest nut tree, and rain drops hanging like diamonds on the brown spear  buds on the end of the branches.
It all looked so pretty, before the sun came up. the  drops will fall on the ground, watering the bulbs below.
The mossy lichen,will continue to grow  on the ancient, tree.
It's only when you take the time to actually pause and stop, that you take note on the beautiful things that the lord has given us.
He has been so kind to us.
and what have we done?
We've poked fun at others, ripping them down, because of the tall poppy syndrome.
Sadly, I am a culprit of it.
The day is brightening up a bit. and I'll be off on my walk soon.
I'm getting off topic.
I am using my certificate in baking and working in a bakery, I really enjoy the interaction of it, I miss the little place sometimes.
I'm sewing as well, I'm making bags, and that is a great pass time.
Nothing in life is wasted, everything makes sense, it will you might be at a point in your life, where you're wondering will I be stuck out in this wilderness, forever? will I get past this mountain in my life?
Well dear friend, pleased to say it.
You will face your fears, you will get better in your job, you'll  know that you're capable of doing, and you can do it.
I had a time in my new job, where  I felt that this was just going to beat me, and I was never going to get my break through, then one day last week I woke up, and I just felt different ,because I wrote all my fears down, and  I looked them straight in the face, Dad spoke to the mountain of fear, and it left.
My friend that is what you need to do, if you feel like you're at the foot of the mountain like I was.
I thought this thing was never going to move, I was never going make my mark, and get better at my job.
I'm slowly learning new things, and I do them faster, than the day before. I've also gone part time, so I can, enjoy my job better.
When I was in hospital, one of the things we had to do, was to have an exit plan.
a plan for getting better.
I had many of these plans, in my head, I wrote down a lot of them.
and came up with a perfect plan.
I was told that I could get work as early as 2 weeks after my breakdown, but felt that this was too soon, so I waited, and waited, I didn't want to go back to my current job, so I looked for work, in my bakery, profession.
and found one at a supermarket, one that is nice to work in, and people are really helpful, understanding, and friendly.
I'm doing everything on my plan, even a few extra things.
my days off are precious, I know that now.
I love the late winter sunshine coming in now, after a weekend of rain.
I was thinking before my breakdown, that things are wasted, why have I put all this money into qualifications, and not seeing the benefits of it. to say the least I was, at breaking point, I was angry.
But fully believed, in doing a good job, at the bakery.
I'm now loving the products I put out, I can see points of change.
I like the hard work, and being humanly tired and not having my head feeling heavy and full.
My friend, if you are striving, and not getting anywhere, please stop, now, write down what it is, and look it straight in the face of God, burn the bridges that need to be burned, and start to make other bridges.
Take time to enjoy yourself, not hide away in a dark corner.
Chloe

Jesus is always there.

Hi there my friends.
WEll I've learnt a few things this week.
working with a work plan, really does help. without it, everthing doesn't go to plan.
I risked it, and it didn't work.
I know I can still bake, and that it will all sink in.
Today I want to talk to you about, those times in life, where you feel like your constantly, fighting or battling, for something, and even your prayers seem to hit the wall, and come bouncing back, like those really super bouncy ball toys we had as kids.
I heard something on the radio the other day, preparing for a miracle. We need to stand fast and prepare for a miracle, no matter what it is, that you need from God, he will give it to you.
Sure we just need time, but we also need to know we can do the job, and that is your miracle, you know that Jesus is never going to walk you, on you, never going to leave you, forget you, he won't ever let you down.
My question, is, have you stood fast to this?
Have you positioned yourself, to what your wanting your miracle to be?
have you ask God for it?
Have you taken the time, to actually seek his answer?
You are not alone my friend, the lord will come through for you, even in the darkest of nights, he wont' forget about you, it might look like that, but he's working it all out for your benefit.
He's answering all those prayers, that you have prayed for, for so long.
Chloe

can I get get a connection?

Hi there my friends.
How's things?
I hope that you're having a really nice day.
The sun is, up and it's going to be a nice day.
No matter what you're going through today?
You have the power to connect with people on a level where they are at.

You might be in a position, where you are limited in what you're doing, perhaps that's the wrong word, but if you're feeling stuck, or can't move forward, no matter what you're doing stop right now, and write whatever it is, that is annoying you and or stopping you in your progress and you, will succeed.
There's no secret, we just need to get a connection, with others.
Just like, the One republic songs says.
There we go, short and sweet, today.
Chloe

inner brokeness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY

I want you to listen to this song, because it's so powerful, if you're broken inside.
Keep courage my friend, even if you have nothing left, just rely on him to bring you through.
If you just want to get through, then this song is for you.
If you're more than wanting to get through, speak to that spirit to keep fighting to keep beating.
If you haven't found your way yet, don't panic there's heaps of time in the world, to find your flow.
Don't even, ever think less than that.
You're not hopeless, you're treasured, and you will get up off the ground and soar, like a bird above what feel like an inner storm.
Let God come, and just speak these words into your burnt, aching, scorched searing soul.
Even if you haven't got anything left, like nothing, find love in these words.
because they are for you.
You will get there, it might seem like people are keeping score, but you know that Jesus doesn't keep score, or total up what wrongs you've done, did or ever going to do.
No matter if you've promised yourself, that it won't happen again, just be with God, today, tonight, let him come to you on your darkest of darkest nights.
If you're walking through, grief, loneliness, depression, love is here.
Only the sereinty of God;s love can heal what you've gone through.
No one is keeping score.
Chloe

Fittting in the last bit of pruning.

Hi there
I was thinking about what we should be doing in the garden, and that is last call for pruning.
There's one fruit tree that needs it, and that is a pear tree.
Pruning encourages new growth, where the old has been cut away, and the new has come.
There's so much colour out in the garden at the moment, pink ''Christmas cheer'' rhodendrons, Camelias, winter roses, it's all coming alive.

I love it, and the thought of the bulbs that we planted a month and half ago, will soon be poking their green sprears up into the sunlight.
The garden is great for therapy.

It is time to take stock of what you've got, what needs to be done, and what things could be planted, or maintained.

When Jesus was hungry he wanted something to eat, it was the right time for figs but he came to a tree that bore none, so he talked to it, and it shriveled up.  was it because he was hangry? or was that a lesson to all of us that we have this same power that he has in us. that is precious.
That is why we have to stop and think about our words and actions, because Jesus is our example.
Sure you might have had a week, of hard work, of new things, but that doesn't mean that give you the ''right'' even if, listen even if, the person is saying things about you. that doesn't make you justified,
You are justified, through the blood of Jesus, because you have seen the ways of man, and you want to be more like him.

And with this new work ethic you will surely, be stronger than what you are currently.

So time to fit in the last bit of pruning before the spring comes and with God on your side, you can, face anything that you are going through because the same power is in him, and is in you.
Don't dirty your good name or good morals, don't setttle for anything that is fleeting, keep pure my friends, yes it's hard to see somewhere through the woods, seeing the wood between the trees, but we are called to be counted for such a time as this.

Chloe

Don't give into complancy.

I was thinking about the week and what I should share with you.
So I thought I'd write about complacency.

We can all sit on the edge of the of the fence with this one, in no mans land because it effects us both.
In what way?
Well in daily life, because we can all have area's where we don't try as hard as we would like. Please note I struggle with this as well, so we ignore the fact that it is happening to us.
We know it's there, we just don't know how to go about it.

We can get complancent about our jobs, what we do, ''it doesn't really matter, I'll be out of here soon, another day another dollar.''

However, this isn't good thinking at all, because ''what if the next person has the same thought, as us?" that is where we need to either change jobs, and or find ways not to be complacent in our work places.

It's easy in a new job, to be excited I am about being in the bakery, all the bakers are leaving and we are a dying breed out there, that is why we need more people to enjoy their work as a baker.
I had a warning at my work,I got tired, of a few factors, and I was just voicing them, not really knowing if it gets out what would that do to the person. there were a couple of factors but now I'm right at home with my pieces of paper and off we go.
Smooth sailing again.
I'm finding out ways to use up day old stock,and turning them into profit, well hope to anyway, and to make those scones, a bit better so that they aren't just sitting on the self.
I do like a nice scone.
I was complacent about my scones, in they go out they go. but now I have ways of improving the product.
I am blessed to have a job, that came at the right time, Jesus got me the job, I fully believe that, and coming out of hospital, and able to work with doctors certificates.
I am able to have boundaries in my life, and plan for things, good work, is given by the lord I do believe that.
When you work hard, to your ablitiy, you get rewarded not in a money sense, but it improves your whole outlook in life.
In everything that you do.
you know you're in the right job.

My advice is, if you're getting complacent, in your job, either see a way to upskill so you're moving forward, or to ways to retrain or apply for something that you really want to do.

Those are my thoughts for today.
Chloe

You will get there.

Hi there,
I was just thinking of you today.
I was thinking of the times, that in my own life I wanted to give up, and throw it all in, but today I want to encourage you, not to.
Because you're not a quitter.
You might be just trying to find out what life is all about, or your new work, it takes time to get into a new job, and sort it all out.

So what do we do if we're not getting it?
We take a breath and we think, and allowing our time to get reajusted to the work environment.
I love my job, I will get there and each and every day  I tell myself, ''Rosenbergs, aren't quitters, no matter what happens.''
It comes with the job, don't give up to easily, you know you have the strength in you, not to quit, because Jesus didn't quit.

What I'm learning now, is so much.
I'm learning management, dispatch, patterns, baking, cabniet baking, how to mark down, and all that.
I'm not going to pick it up in all a week,there's no way I can learn that in a week.

I am a paper and pen person, not a telling and listening person.
I want ot know how to fix my french sticks from proving to each other when you break them  in half, and the moment ,I feel like a retired baker coming out of retierment.

I'm not a seasoned baker, I am enjoying my job, but I don't enjoy being stopped at everything I do, because that stops my patterns, and way.
I do know alot about scratch bakery, because I was in the top 4 of my bakery class for my written assignments.

That was when I was most confident.

When it comes to teaching you need to be open to mistakes, and learning together, you just can't expect someone to get it off first hand.

We can all get to where we are going if we just allow the time to get there.
This is not a feminist movement approach.
This is a natural.

A caterpillar doesn't become, a butterfly, over night, the caterpillar goes through a process to be turned into a butterfly.
Are you getting it?
Sometimes we don't want to go through the caterpillar stage, we just want to fly around like butterflies.
But we do need to go through this, because it performs grit in our lives.

However we do need to be careful, about how in what way we live our lives. and not to be closed off to systems rather try them all.

And only go down one, road, because that won't help us at all.
Rather, we need to make the most of our lives, together.
And enjoying the experience, you will get there, don't despair.
Have a memory book or read over some of your favorite books,  do whatever to make it work.
Chloe

uplifting your family

Hi there.
How's it all going?
Well it's another day and that means, it's a day to celebrate who you are as a person.
As the clouds roll in off the hills, I look around and the Dredge has been hard at it, again making the channel deeper.

I think back on my week, it's been a while I've picked up a new job, as a baker, at a supermarket, I  enjoy it.
It's good fun.

There's still plenty to learn, off and from, what works and what doesn't.

Working alone makes you aware of multi-tasking, because there's only one doing the job.
 it works though.

I was thinking in bed last night before I went to sleep, how a good work day finishes, and your work is blessed.
There was something about my things being sold today, the cabinet is nearly sold out.
which is good, that is what you want.

I wasn't very happy with my life, I was envious of my brothers, and people who enjoyed their work, because they had something to do.
Matt writes for the times, and I Just read a story on the splash, of a man in his 90s an ambassador for Auckland air port.
A man who still enjoys his job.
If I don't do my job, there will be no bread for the people tomorrow.
Work is a blessing from God.
Even if my machinary broke down today, I was still able to mix things by hand.
I have one thing to say about the pakaging, it's all plastic, and it feels so wrong to put things into plastic, it like a sea of plastic bags and that is with nice things in them.
It would help the environment if we stopped using plastic all together.
It would be kinder on ourselves, and planet, we've stopped the single use plastic bags, but we haven't stopped storing bread in them.
But I digress, it is extremely important, to always up lift people, especially our families.
This came from watching a DVD,  called "The return of the daughters'' by Victoria, and Anna Sofia Botkin.

We live in a cruel world, and we aim to protect  our children in a good spiritual way, it is what the Lord requires us to do.

However we have a problem, what if it's not modeled out?
 what if we live by the Lord law, and that is to walk humbly with the Lord, and obey him, but we're not doing it ourselves?
This was me.
I was thinking if I was nice to my friends and nasty to my brothers, and spending more time with my friends rather than my family, that it wouldn't worry the Lord.
I was snide, I was sarcastic, I was exerating the story, to be noticed and out that I was something that I  made myself. a monster.
I didn't like myself, until I had my break down.
Before that I complained, nothing was ever ''working'' or ''going right'' I was tiresome to be around.
I came through my breakdown, and now things don't make me uptight, and I don't get road rage.
which was everytime I went out for a drive.
The Lord gave me a new heart, and I could love my family more.
So if there's anything to ''take home'' from this is, to have a new family, you have to start working on yourself.
Chloe

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