Being unlimited

Yesterday, I had an epiphany, I was with my friend, at a park.
And everywhere I went I saw people with special needs.
And as this is the final week of being 27 I want to make the most out of my life.
I was always wanting to grow up, I always wanted o do something, or fit in, and do whatever I could do to be normal.
Normal for me, means, that to take the knocks, the punches, and everything that life is.
You maybe like me, building up such a strong fence, to be strong, to take the knocks.
Then I saw a child no more then 8 years old, pushing his wheel chair around, and laughing, he wasn't in it, he was pushing it, and was having fun.
He wasn't limited by what people thought of him, he was smiling, and saying to his Grandfather, ''Look I can do it.'' no matter if you are in that place, where you're wondering if you can do it, you can.
The boy was happy with his afternoon, sure he has struggles, but he enjoyed it, then I saw his grandfather push him around his wheel chair around the gardens looking at the plants.
Whatever you're thinking, or going through, God is there with you, he is with you in that place, in that dark place, where you may have dark nights, where God might feel a vapour.
God is there, and he makes himself known.
If you're thinking that you're too good for God, come back to him, because his love for you is greater than anything or any other.
Sometimes it feels like I loose my Christianity, sometimes with my friends and at work, we need friends that sharpen us, and shape us, into good people.
The ones that love us, will often hurt us, and it's to Gods glory to over look an offense.
But there are times to speak up, to actually pull people into line.
The young boy in the wheel chair was pushing his chair into line, and sometimes we need to do that in our own lives, because at the end of the day, who are we fooling?
Sometimes we can fool ourselves so much that we believe in anything, we fantasize anything, until we believe it.
We need to come to a place within ourselves to forgive, to forgive ourselves, to what we have done, or what we are doing, that could harm us.
And it's a grief thing, it takes time to see the lies behind the truth, because the lies can be so thick that we believe it is the truth.
Personally at the moment, I'm struggling with my faith, with my thoughts, because often I think it's better to die than to live.
And because I know I have a disability that no one really sees, they don't believe me, they don't understand why I can't drink, not that I would enjoy it.
I just can't harm any more brain cells that are there, because my brain is always damaged, and will be on this earth.
If God said, this year, as I was driving home, if he said that the hopes you've had for this year, look like they've been lost, if he said that my lovely pet died, if I got warned that would be ok.
If I've had to be strong to save myself, at work, no matter how many times I wanted to walk out, no matter the tears, or hiding other things.

Hiding things doesn't really make it better, sometimes you've got to come out with it, sometimes you've got to tell someone that you're hurt or your feelings even if, they don't want to hear them.
My friend, if you're wondering what has life done to you, you're not alone.

It takes a lot of courage, to start to see things in perspective, think of the wheel chair, it is a device to get the little boy places, but it's also pretty restricting, but he had his legs and he saw he had limitations, has he walked around, but he walked.

Sometimes we have to stand back, and to see what sort of ''chair'' do we have in our lives.
and how do we start to push the ''chair around.'' instead of accepting it, we have to accept things, but we can also start to move it as well, we can use our greatest weakness, to glorify God.
And that is what the boy was doing, he was using his weakness, to glorify God, to enjoy it.

God sees our limits our restrictions, but we can get people around us that help us, to move in the areas we need to be healed in.
It may not be physical, but emotional, from the abuse we get, from the lives we've live, from the '' you cant's to the you cans,''

It says in the bible, that a builder that plans to build something do their home work, and the maths to see if it can be done.
To see if it can be completed.
My friend, if that's you if you're wondering if things will ever be made complete, it will.
What happens to building's that aren't completed, some property developer, has a plan, did the home work but ran out of money?
Well it goes into liquidation, to have someone who has the money to buy it, and to complete it.
Think of God, as that person, that he always works what might seem the most awful thing, that you're going through, to completion, because only he can do it.
God isn't a second hand God, he always makes something new, something just for you knowing that only you can have it and will enjoy it.
I had to laugh at my friend, she  brought some people some Christmas presents from the local second hand shop, and she asked me if I needed a new apron, and I said ''Oh yes,'' thinking it would be a nice new shop one, a kitchen one.
But it turned out to be this smiley face, bright apron, and it was very big, to the point I  was wondering if it was used for baby feeding , with button taps, I looked at it, and it had pockets.
and big thick collar straps, something my dear  friend really thought I could and would take to work,  ( my work uniform has a nice chef jacket all complete with the Larnach castle cat crest.) and a nice stiff black apron with the crest on it.
Anyway, my dear friend thought that she found a find, until  I felt something in the pocket.
a scrunched up snotty hankie!
I whipped it out and said, "I guess this came free."
I probably shouldn't have been so mean and appreciated it, but I really had to laugh.
And we did.
So today my friend, I want to encourage you that God is with you, and he is with you in the limitations, in that dark place, in that place where no one believes you, God does, and he does believe in you.
Chloe

Closer to love

Hi there.
How's things?
I hope that you're going well.
Today i want to talk to you about, glowing in the dark.
I thought that I would like to share with you, what's going on my life.
Sometimes it feels like one big struggle.
And today I caught up with my friend, and her kids,  it felt like old times.
You see I used to work for their mother, and I really liked working there.
I loved the kids, and this morning it was just so lovely.
Because I hadn't keen them for a wee while.
I've got a soft spot for them, because a lot of things aren't easy for this family.
Her husband has been in and out of hospital, for 6 weeks on end,  and her little boy is so matter of fact.
I'm not too sure if that's a good one, he's so bluntly honest.
Beautiful.
There's a likeness, I suppose, that I sort of see him in me, I really thought, he'd say something really honest, and then all of sudden sip his drink. and he would hug me.
He's an awesome wee guy, as his mother said, ''he's too young for you'', and she's right.
God wants us to love people, but loving people where they are at.
And none of us are imperfect, all of us have flaws, all of hurt, and what do we do with people who love us, what happens if we don't forgive and move on?
What happens if people warn us of people and there's nothing with them?
What happens if we hold of grudges?
This isn't the easiest of posts to write, because I'm going into some deep things.
Nor am I going to tell you to hide them.
God bless you.
As I listened and we talked about the years of the things we've been doing.
Sometimes it feels like a loosing battle, and God is the winner of battles.
Matt Kearney sings a song, closer to love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMRXXBGotnw&safe=active

When I took the kids out for a coffee, the dear wee boy, said that his dad is dying.
this family was very close to me, it shocked me, to think that ultimately, this 9 year old dear sweet boy, who couldn't let go of me, will not have  dad around.
What will happen to the family?
Will they be closer to love?
Or what about my friend who is having seizures, who has never had them before?
Will she be closer to love?
What about my other friend?
Will he be closer to love?
Trusting in God to come through is, risky, because you have to go all in with trust.
Trusting God seems like a fight, and you get wary, and you get confused, when you get a knock to your faith.
That's why it's important to share with others where you are at, so you can get built up in love, trust and hope.
I know God is there for me, I know God is there for you.
Chloe

I have a reason to worship

Hi there,
Well after a lot of false starts, here is my post.
As we go into the the CHristmas season, and look forward to seeing people and family.
I couldn't stop but wonder, that it probably was an on going story.
If you think of the people, we have the wise magi coming from the east, that would take months, to get to Israel, and the star this thing didn't just happen over night.
Everything in the Christmas story has a plan, Herod tried to kill all the boys in the hope that Jesus was one of them.
Jesus meek and mild?
It sounds like a new ad for  new brand of  cheese.
In the desert song, by Brooke Fraser, she writes

"In every season, in everything, I have a reason to worship." sometimes it might seem out of season, sometimes we might not know what's around the corner, sometimes we might get hurt, burnt, let down, disappointed, with what we thought was God's plan for us, only to know sometimes it wasn't.
We are called to always hold onto hope, always be strong in God, because when we are strong in God, we are strong in ourselves.
If we keep just playing the game, of not really being strong, we aren't strong enough to stand.
It's taken me a while to get used to this.
Because sometimes we think we're strong, circumstances are against us, and we find our strength, but sometimes in that, we can get proud, and we can think we don't need God.
We don't need church, and we don't need friends, and we don't need a  good group to belong to.
These are all lies, and sometimes we tell ourselves these.
God is good all the time
He is just and able to forgive, when we can't forgive or move on, he knows the heart break, of sometime that we hold loosely, but still hoped that it would have worked out.
He knows why, and why there's pain, he knows the disappointment, of something.
Jesus is the only one that really knows, and has the answer.
I know that sounds cliche, or old school but when you finally see the truth behind the lies, you'll be set free.
And in that freedom, you'll  be a new creation, the old one can not be found.
Well that's all I have time for, so my encouragement to you, is, even if this seems like you're out of season, still find a place to worship God.
Chloe

Coming back to Jesus

Hi there,
How's things?
I hope that you're getting on with things.
I want to tell you about what God's been up to me, in my life.
Yesterday we shifted out of our building where Dunedin City baptist church meets.
Into our own purpose built church, and while it's all exciting, walking about of the building is something that will be with me, because we all have stages on moving on.
And it was my second move, because we were part of the church back in Hanover St days, and then at T col, and then moving out of the building in our church, and it just reminded me, that God tells us not to make choices set in concrete, because we will move, so it's important to deal with the things that hold us back. God is there, but sometimes we need some other people in our lives, that are helping us on the right path.
If we're not getting into the word of God, we are treading on dangerous ground, so how can we apply the word of God to ourselves?
By building ourselves up in God's word, and working for him, see when we build something we get a plan, without a plan for something like a house, we are completely lost, we wouldn't know if the bathroom should be the wardrobe, so that's why we need a plan for our lives , my friend if lack a plan for our lives we can just find ourselves drifting through things.
And that's not God's plan for anyone.
Sometimes it feels like we live to work, and work to live, and it's of God who blesses us in our work situations.
Sometimes it feels slightly repetitive, but always worth while, and sometimes we find ourselves getting a bit annoyed that God's promises hasn't come into full view, like we're playing some sort of i spy game in a book, trying to find out things for ourselves.
It never seems to work, we go off in the other direction, and we might be waisting our time.
So my first question is, how do we come back to Christ?
We can't rely on our parents faith, or other friends faith to get us to God, we need to find him for ourselves.
Don't be afraid to do kind things to other people, because we are being the light, we're doing it out of God's riches, blessings.
God's with you in all things, in him there's no fear, or worry.
We are all blameless in his sight, and when we get that into our hearts we will be able to change the world.
Sometimes the things that seem so hard to understand yet are simple.
So don't worry about what your life will look like or where it's going for now, he's planed it from the start, nothing is a surprise to him.
May God bless you and keep you, may he make his face shine down upon you.
Chloe

you raise me up

Hi there,
How's things?
I hope that you're well.
What have you been doing?
Sorry it's been a long time since i last blogged.
I hope that you're going well.
Today I won't  go on about things.
I am going to talk to you about something, in fact what happened last night.
My parents  and I went out for dinner at Dad's old flat, in fact where the table was, it was his bed room.
It got me thinking about how well life is.
Because not only did he only flat with his brother, he hand washed things in a concrete sink, no washing machine, and here at home, we're perched on top of a hill have a half acre garden, and that was before Dad met Mum.

As I sat down and ate our dinner where his bed used to be, I was thinking about how hard our parents worked, and are working still, for those hard times, always there for us, in the storms of life, when lightning flashes and throngs of thunder are around us, our parents are there for us.
You know, in your own life, what happens when you're in the middle of the storm, in the middle of what seems like a dark time, our parents or some other close friend is there.
Some one asked me at work yesterday, why I believe in God, and why do i pray and  why church.
I got a chance to share my faith, and to give the answers to him.
I said that my family and I believe in Christ, not because out of compulsion, or because of up brining I found God for myself,  and when I have a hard day, because my disability is hard to understand at times, I can give my faults over to God and he always makes sense out of it.
So my friends if you're feeling incomplete for some reason, God is the God of completion.
When you believe in God, you believe in something bigger, not just chances, in every day life, you  an authentic joy.
That any question you get asked you can give an answer, because you believe in your heart, that Christ lives in you.
Not because you go to church regularly, but also because Christ died for you, that is why we go to church.
God holds us up with an interceding faith, that he prays for us every day.
We also need to pray,  for ourselves for strength to face the days and the days are long, and dark, and dangerous, but we have no fear in the world because the world is sin.
There's no fear because we know we're not born of this world.
We have another world to look forward to, to heaven, beyond the galaxy.
Just like the wind that comes before the rain, we know that it refreshes the ground, so we must be refreshed in God, and in his word, and stand firm for our faith.
When the storms do come our way, we can be strong and unshaken in our lives, when the world is telling you worry, when we stand firm in our faith we will not be worried.
Our faith should come out of us in every day life, our belief in Christ, with Christ nothing is impossible, everything that your hand finds to do, do it with all your heart.
That's all I have for now.
Chloe