One year on

Good afternoon.
How are you?
I hope that you're having a really nice afternoon.
Today I want to talk about self forgiveness.

Why you might think, what's stopping you right now, about being you?

And I came to God, I ran to him, and I  came to know him.
I have been walking, with him since I was 9 and somethings were done, that weren't pretty.
I came to God, and I was like ''God, everything I have done, feels like a struggle, and I feel like everything is no.'' and he gave me a verse from a song.

''Yes and Amen.'' and I thought it he was having me on.
And the Lord came to me, and he said. ''Chloe, you haven't forgiven yourself have you?" and boom, just like that the weight just lifted.

I felt like a locked up garden, for years, and then the key just opened the door.
In this lock down, we have more time on our hands, to do what we want to do.

I am in the process of moving out of home, and with that comes new challanges, but also new freedom.

I can be me, and I can forgive.

We aren't bound by anything in this world, fear is a lier, and fear is fleeting, but it also crimples us. into submission.
And I'll talk about it.

And what healthy submission looks like.

It is not a set of rules,  you know your in a good healthy submisson if it is right, not the lack of wants or needs.
When you see good friends,  and say your away or lock down, and the invites have been sent out, and you can't go. there would be a gap, in fact the party wouldn't go ahead.
You know when you're good friends, when you are missed, and you share everything about that friendship.
A good deep friend, gives up time, energy perhaps even sends you words of wisdom.
It's not a lists of should's and woulds

Because those are excuses, and you loose friends if you don't put your part into the friendship.
If you're constantly let down or changed, the friendship develops miss trust.

Tomorrow will mark the year and month I had my breakdown, I am not wanting to point a special way to it, but we are constantly lacking in schools mental health.
And when we see the truth, for who we are, we are more than gold in Jesus eyes, and in other peoples lives.

And when I got out of hospital I had to go into rehab into normal life again.

It was then and there, I knew that I had to change, I had to change not to force my way on people, or plans.

You need to know, that right now, this instant I'm fine.

You might not think you are, but it's not till you're shaken, you produce what fruit you have produced.

And let people come and help you, you know, if people know who you are, let them be there for you.
I had to ask for advice outside of family, I had and am, under  the mental health act, where I have to have a social worker.
And I'm so thankful I do.
And if you need help then get it, don't suffer alone.

So my friends, just relax in this time in your life in the lock down.
And be still and know that Jesus is there for you.
Like really there for you.
Chloe


 

Mental health verses lock down.

Hello All.
I hope that you're good, in this country.
It is important, to keep up your spirits in this time of lock down.

We are finding ourselves, that things are closed and we can't go and do our ''normal things''

I was moving into a flat, when this all unfolded, bad time to move but we didn't know what would happen.
And we had a small window of opportunity, to move in to stop covid 19.

I am baking, ironing doing things at home. and the schools have moved all online.

I have made hot cross buns, which are really nice, even though the crosses melted with the icing, they are still ''crosses'' but are wide crosses not the small narrow ones in the shops.

Horse ridding is on hold,  but we're keeping the horse dream alive by looking at the photos on line.
I hope that it only lasts a month.
However, we can experince our own little lockdowns.
Things that come back in our lives, that we come face to face, of ''I've told you so's.'' and so forth and so on.

So my question is, what can we do in this time of being afraid.

We go straight to the love of Christ.

We go to him, and we say to him, ''Lord have everything.''

We might not have much, we might have little, but what we do have is love. and Love is free with no cost.

I am fully aware of mental health,  and what it means to different people.
The rules and the regulations.
With God, there are no rules, or musts. or deadlines.

We are free in Christ.

We are imperfect people, but we have a perfector of our a faith, one that knows us so well.

And sometimes we are a bit like potted up house plants.

That have been in our ''pots'' for too long, we need to get out of our pots, and grow into a larger pot, so we can grow.

And not become ''root bound.'' and some of us can become root bound, and we tend to stick like that.

But the Lord wants us to be free.

Free to do his will at any time to set asside time to go after him every day.
Well those are my thoughts for today
I'll write again soon.
Chloe

Living wisely.

Hi there.
Today I want to talk about, living wisely, in the days ahead.

With the Carona virus going around, we need to think about others.

Our government is telling people to self isolate, if they have come off planes, into the countries.
I think of the tourism business,  and how they will be effected.
Our nation thrives on tourism.

It's a unique situation.

One local school has closed down, because of case found there.
I hope that my school doesn't close.

The spirit of fear, is ever prevalent. 
We do need to think about the elderly, and not buy so much at supermarkets.

Another thing that we need to do, is to speak wisely, and out of speaking comes the heart, if our heart is good, then our words are good.

Speak out of love, if we speak disease we have a diseased heart, emotionally, and spiritually.
A big call, you may think, but it is needed.

In the middle of the virus, I'm moving out of home.  I have found a flat in Woodhaugh, with a good garden, flatmates and animals.

I'll use my china cups, as they are the only cups I own, I don't own proper cups.
and cook out of copper pots.
yes I'm old fashioned, but I like that.
I like the challenge, of budgeting, and living off the land.
While I was thinking about this post, I want to stir up the word of God.

How important it is, to stand on the word of God, to encourage others to be strong.

Mental health is important, I think of my friend Michelle, and others who have gone through some hard things.

What ways can we do in a church, help others in need?

Is it visiting?
It is just being kind to people, and others.

I don't have fail proof plan for flatting, but I am looking forward to supporting local business, like the farmers market, but is that going to canceled due to the crowd numbers?

We do living troubled times, but we know that Jesus is always there, he will never walk out on us when the times are hard.
He is our unfailing father.

I want also to talk about our minds, and what we think.

 It is important to have our minds on Christ, we are called in Timothy to remain strong.

If we have our minds on Christ we can live as Rebel for him, nothing will stop us.
 and everything is yes and amen.

You might think, you might not be in that yes and amen, moments.

it might seem like No,NO, and No.

But hold fast to Jesus, not turning to the right or left, go towards, him with everything you get, and you will get your break through.

It is known, that within the first 5 years of people winning the Lotto, they are bankrupt.

Why is that?
They fail to invest in wise choices.

Invest in good things, and you will get a good return.

Invest in good relationships, ones with mean, not mean-less ones, ones that tear down, and toxic.

Feel free to delete anyone from your face book, page that are toxic, and bad for you. you will feel guilty for 5 mins, but you will be set free from everything bad.

You need to stretch yourself, to take a picture, I was working with bread dough, and with bread dough you need to work it, or else it will spring back into shape, to where it wants to go. so you need to persist with the dough, and fill out the tray, for pizza.
 and bake in a hot oven, a cold oven you'll have some  really soggy pizza.
 you need a hot oven.

So stretch yourself, you might find a new person within you, it might be time to get going.
Why wait any longer?

Go live wisely, talk wisely, stretch yourself.

Chloe





 

Just be held.

Hello my friends.
How's it all going?
I hope that you're going well.

Just want to say 3 simple words.

Just be held.

It might seem like you're world is falling apart and might not make much sense, at the moment, but it will do.

Lift your hands to the skies, and give them to the lord.

A little while ago, I started the application process, to be a carer for the Open Home Foundation.
They have their Otago office opened up now.
It's been a dream of mine since I was 13 to be a carer, for a child who has gone through brokenness.

So as I go through the process, of being a carer, I need to hear the word of truth.
And that is just be held.

I'd love to have a little girl, that I can make a difference with.
To show her my horse, and garden to heal the wounds.

Just to meet her where she is.

Relief care is something special.
And as I go through the training, the more and more I hear the holy Spirit say move.
I've waited a long time to do this.
It' in those moments, that we are in the still quiet times we hear the Lord.
and what he says to do.

We don't have to full up our days with noise, and chaos.
We just need to wait upon him.
So just be held dear heart, just be held.
Chloe

Being gracious to people.

Hello there,
How's your day going?
Lately I've been talking about guarding your heart, and being a careful gardener to it.
About relationships, and what I've been learning.

So with that off my chest, I'm going to talk about being gracious to people and what that looks like.

Last night I talked to a friend from Christchurch, my friend Abigail, who is young and is learning to be a seamstress.
She always prays for me after our conversation, and it was a beautiful time we had together.
Abigail has the gift of being gracious, to people she has met and haven't met.
She is one amazing women of God.
In her prayer, she prayed that I will be a light to people I haven't met and and people who come across my path.

I want to stop there, because I think we too often, don't often think about,the people who come across our path.

If someone homeless came to you, and said they have no home, would you let them in your place?

I would.

I'd love to have this place our home an open home for people who just are plain tired of life.

That is my dream, one day is to have an open home, on a farm somewhere and let God find them to where they are at.

It takes courage to let someone into your world without judgement.
We keep in our little Christian huddles, afraid of living.

Now it's time for living to shed a few layers over the years.

And let yourself be you, allow yourself time to be you.

There's no rush to grow up, we're all growing up and changing.
We might look around us comparing ourselves to others.
I'm not married and my friends have babbies on the way, and that is wonderful, it's beauitful for them to be come mothers.

My call is different, and when others get it they will get it.
Sometimes we get caught up in the mundane.

We wake up, have coffee, read a bit of God's word, then go to work, we try to become pure, we come home, we relax we go to bed, and we do it all again.

We wait on God to move, and when he says move we're ready.
But what if we stumble, what if we fall?

What if people see us falling?
That is when we go to them and rescue them.

I was talking to my friend Hope about mental health and why isn't it taught in school, we have so many problems coming into schools.

We have the highest suicide rates in the world, why?

What is the problem?

We have people failing through the cracks.

We need to be gracious to these people, we are called to be carers of the earth.


Some of us have rain on our hearts, maybe it's a torrent, a huge down pour, and it just keeps coming.

And you're waiting for a bit of sunlight, a break in the weather.

Jesus is  your rescue story.

You might not want to hear that, you might not hear his voice, but you know he's there. He's the dude that we can trust in, that will never let us down, never let go, all what he says is true.

Trust in his amazing arms that hung on the cross, bloodied, and scared.
But he's not on the cross anymore.
Some times we live like he's still on the cross.

That was then Chloe, you might say, he's not with me anymore.

My friend, can I ask you to reconsider?
 to rethink.

I'd like to give you a picture

As much as I love my horse Wilson, he had to be broken in, he's about 18 years old now, so a well schooled horse.
but there was a time in his life, when he was a yearling, free.

but as humans came along, he had to trust them and be put under halter and saddle.

Now he doesn't bat an eye, when we tack him up.

I'm not a horse trainer, I just ride weekly, and it's taught me alot about life.

But you take a wild horse, one from the rangers in New Zealand.
one that's never seen a human, or contact. think about how a trainer would train those horses.
With kindness and working where they are at.
And that is how we need to treat others.
And be gracious to them.

That's me for today.
Chloe

Going in the right direction

Hi there,
I hope that you're off to a really nice week.
Perhaps you've got something nice in your hand like a piece of baking, and a cup of tea.

I have had a good week, tired from having one day off work then back into it.
The boys and staff are grateful, so that's all that matters,sleep can wait.
I'm living a blessed life.
I have a home to come home to each night, I have funds to live on, a good job I enjoy, and things outside of work that I enjoy.

I caught up with a friend for a coffee yesterday, and she and her husband and her oldest son have just came back from Africa, visiting their sponsored children, in fact they went to some of their uni graduations.
Mary touched, on the fact that if we're going the right direction, we know it in our spirit that we're heading on the right path.
 A light came inside of my head, and and I had 'ah ha'' moment, I am going in the right direction, with church, ministry, and working, and ridding.

Things work out, and dear friend, if you had to leave a relationship, because, he was the wrong guy, or whatever reason, you heart is town, and there's rain on it.
Jesus is your healer.

I fell for the christain pastor, in india, because he knew what to say and when to say it, but didn't really know me, even thoguh he wanted to marry me.

I'm not there to judge his heart, that's not for me to say, but one thing is this.
Don't fall for the first person you see, or go for because you think you've got all your boxes ticked.

Self forgiveness, is an amazing thing, I felt bad for leaving him, but for me to just go to another culture, where they speak different language, to uproot me from my family, from my horse, to just transplant myself, into their culture, I had to let go and forgive myself.
I said some pretty dumb things, because at that time I was in the thralls of love.

but it wasn't love, it was lonelyness cryinng out. and he was just there.
I had to leave because it was doing my heart harm, and it wasn't a real relationship.
It was full hardy, to believe that one day he would come over to New Zealand, where he didn't have any money and was asking for sponsorship, and me believing that he would one day arrive.

I kept this up, because I didn't want a borring life, where,  pretty much outside work it's pretty sheltered. the only wild side I cling to is my ridding.

And to just give up ridding and go to india and be with a man ,who I hardly ever knew, was dangerous.

We met on a christian dating website.

I have now moved on, but those first few weeks, were aweful.
There were songs on the radio that eminted love lost, there was a song that he sent me, and it played on the radio, I just wanted to cry, because loving someone so much is to put them on the alter, and hand them back to God.
God is in it, but for now we must always, always be the head gardner of our heart.

We have to stand by ourselves and be strong, and only and only, and ONLY talk to people we have met in person online.

Self forgiveness, is to see something in ourselves and we really see it for ourselves.

I loved Vj, and I think he's an amazing brother in Christ, but loving him beyond that well that's for God.

I had to leave, because of the pressure, and the clingyness, truthfully if any man takes you away from the things that you enjoy, he's not the right man.

He claimed he knew me, from the few video calls, we did, the talks we had, but he just woulnd't leave me alone.
I found myself racing back home to see if there was a message, there were 4, and he was counting up the hours, I was away.

I found messagers, from him ''miss you honey, baby, come back.'' have you had tea, have you had lunch have you had this have you had that.
I asked if he got work done.

And he said he'd to it later.
I'm not a relationship expert, but it doesn't take long for me to come to the conclusion that we have to have space. and let me have it please.
Personal space does wonders, you know you see what sort of thing you're in, when you have space.


I have to work, earn a living, and yes ,  said person was saying "I work 2 hard, and to be careful baby honey, sweetheart." and plenty of '' I miss you's.''

It was nice to be missed, it was nice to have this attention.

And the Lord gave me this picture a real example.

I was on my horse, and there was another horse Roo that always likes my horse.
and this was said person and Me. Wilson was consinstrating, because I was on him.

and this horse came into his personal space, they had a bit of talk, then Wilson just stood until Roo just walked away.

I felt that this was the Lord saying, ''be cool, calm, and collected, but you have to walk away, he's not coming over, and to stand strong.''

Hein sight in an amazing thing, we too often through caution to the wind, and be done with it.
But brave heart, keep it.

It makes us strong, and to see the pit falls we might slip into.

Who's to say who is right or wrong, I am not a ''man basher'' I don't take delight in what I'm writing.

But truthfully, if someone is putting restrictions on you, because of a ''higher call'' it's not worth it.

Being on the altar of God is not fun, but we have to place ourselves on it, to make sure we're going in the right direction.

That we only are in tune with him, and only Jesus.
Not with someone,  who only wants us, because we make false promises, and we lead each other on.
I did that, but only because I was inocenlty doing it, because I was under his control.
A well school horse, knows when he or she is working, they know when they' are tacked up and mentally they are prepared for the work.

They don't go around acting like they aren't working, and just go off doing whatever they like.

If you watch Schooled horses to horses that have free time, they act different.
 Horses on free reign on dressage that is where you see the horse and rider together as one.

And it's beautiful  the level of trust both horse and rider, these are often, on longer strides, in a ring or yard.


We need to mentally prepare our minds for work, and focus on it, not turning to the left or to the right. but staying on ''free reign.'' connected to Christ.

Allowing him to move us in the direction we have to go.

That is the pinnacle of our faith.

That's all for now.
Chloe