One year on

Good afternoon.
How are you?
I hope that you're having a really nice afternoon.
Today I want to talk about self forgiveness.

Why you might think, what's stopping you right now, about being you?

And I came to God, I ran to him, and I  came to know him.
I have been walking, with him since I was 9 and somethings were done, that weren't pretty.
I came to God, and I was like ''God, everything I have done, feels like a struggle, and I feel like everything is no.'' and he gave me a verse from a song.

''Yes and Amen.'' and I thought it he was having me on.
And the Lord came to me, and he said. ''Chloe, you haven't forgiven yourself have you?" and boom, just like that the weight just lifted.

I felt like a locked up garden, for years, and then the key just opened the door.
In this lock down, we have more time on our hands, to do what we want to do.

I am in the process of moving out of home, and with that comes new challanges, but also new freedom.

I can be me, and I can forgive.

We aren't bound by anything in this world, fear is a lier, and fear is fleeting, but it also crimples us. into submission.
And I'll talk about it.

And what healthy submission looks like.

It is not a set of rules,  you know your in a good healthy submisson if it is right, not the lack of wants or needs.
When you see good friends,  and say your away or lock down, and the invites have been sent out, and you can't go. there would be a gap, in fact the party wouldn't go ahead.
You know when you're good friends, when you are missed, and you share everything about that friendship.
A good deep friend, gives up time, energy perhaps even sends you words of wisdom.
It's not a lists of should's and woulds

Because those are excuses, and you loose friends if you don't put your part into the friendship.
If you're constantly let down or changed, the friendship develops miss trust.

Tomorrow will mark the year and month I had my breakdown, I am not wanting to point a special way to it, but we are constantly lacking in schools mental health.
And when we see the truth, for who we are, we are more than gold in Jesus eyes, and in other peoples lives.

And when I got out of hospital I had to go into rehab into normal life again.

It was then and there, I knew that I had to change, I had to change not to force my way on people, or plans.

You need to know, that right now, this instant I'm fine.

You might not think you are, but it's not till you're shaken, you produce what fruit you have produced.

And let people come and help you, you know, if people know who you are, let them be there for you.
I had to ask for advice outside of family, I had and am, under  the mental health act, where I have to have a social worker.
And I'm so thankful I do.
And if you need help then get it, don't suffer alone.

So my friends, just relax in this time in your life in the lock down.
And be still and know that Jesus is there for you.
Like really there for you.
Chloe